Vice Party - The Good, the Bad and the Nearly Useless

I don't get to indulge many vices, more's the pity. When it comes to the buffet of vices, I still sit at the kiddy table. Alcohol, which I used to enjoy (Lemon Drop anyone?) now equals migraine. Chocolate, too. The list of fun things that end badly for me is long and sad. Since I can't consume vices, I spew them instead. And still, they turn in service to writing.

1. Swearing is my vocation. It's a calling, a sacred duty to which I am devoted. Since the public rooms of the bordello strive to appear slightly family friendly, I curb my colorful language. Meet me in a public situation one or two times and you'll have no idea of the vast, simmering cesspool of language underlying my polite facade. Hang around long enough to lull me into a sense of safety, though, and that pool will bubble over. Most of my friends still look surprised when a word or phrase slips out. Many of them giggle, too. Does it help me while I'm writing? Probably. If only to give me the ammunition to complain in grotesque detail about how a story is or isn't coming together.

2. Analyzing. I have a degree in overthinking. It is a hindrance part of the time. The other part of the time, I'm making it work for me. Everything I watch, read or experience gets vivisected - how did the story go together? Did the conflict work? If no, why not? If yes, why? What would make a poor plot work? How could things have been changed. This is all part and parcel of peering beneath the hood to learn how something runs (or doesn't) so I can build my own.

3. Companion to that: I talk too much. No one wants to watch The Walking Dead with me anymore. I usually see within the first several minutes of an episode how it will end, and often, within the first episode or two, I can tell how a season will end. These are the wages of analyzing stories as a mode of living. Sure, sure, I learned long ago to not volunteer the spoilers. I may be slow, but I can be taught. Still, my TWD friends and family keep casting sidelong glances my way during a show. Finally someone will ask if I have it figured out. There's a second of silence when I shrug and nod. One of them will grin and say, "What's your theory?" I blab. Everyone laughs and blows me off. Until the end of the episode/season. How does this help my writing? It's concrete evidence that I've managed to learn valuable lessons about conflict and story arc - not just as an intellectual exercise. They're internalized. Keith likes to talk through movies and TV shows we've watched. Mostly, I think, he likes getting to geek out about a show with me. But tonight, while reading on his Kindle, he turned to me and said, "You know I can't read some of these books now without remembering what you've said about stories. About how there has to be both internal and external conflict that comes from who the characters are before a story really starts to resonate. You turned me into a tea snob over the years and now you're turning me into a story snob. A few scantily clad women and a couple of explosions used to be enough." High praise. I'm going to let this help me stop worrying about whether or not I'm doing it right. I'm just going to write and trust that conflict and plot will take care of itself.

4. The occasional bag of sour cream and onion potato chips because some times, you just need to grind the bones of your demons between your teeth. They taste salty. Like my writer tears. Or the blood of the innocents sacrificed to the gods of word count.

Fortunate Vices

The topic du jour is 'How My Personal Vice Aids My Writing.'

Vices being defined as wicked or immoral behavior, heh heh heh, yeah. I have a plenty. Let me pull a few out of my magic hat and discuss.

DIRTY MIND/SEXUAL INNUENDOS    

If you've ever been to a convention and attended a panel you probably know that THAT (sitting authors on a dais in front of a crowd of readers and then giving those authors microphones and asking them about their books) is the exact alchemy necessary to transform us into a group of filthy-minded thirteen-year-old class clowns.

A dirty mind is helpful in a myriad of ways because, at its core, a dirty mind is a sexy, creative mind and who doesn't like to read that kind of shit?

FOUL LANGUAGE.  

I embrace the words -- all the words -- without regard to how others my shun them. I love all the words. They are, I guess, my cat replacement as I am allergic to cats. So instead of being a crazy cat lady at heart, I'm a fucking pirate. Admittedly, I try to maximize the other part of my vocabulary in the workplace (the paydays tend to be more consistent when swearing in professional setting is kept to a minimum) but it is sooo hard.

(See what I did there? A called a call back.)

Yes, I especially adore FUCK. It's the hardest-working son-of-a-bitch word there is. Its a noun, a verb, an adjective or adverb. Its the predicate AND the subject. SEE:

Using it when looking back on our childhood is more fun...

And it makes points more succinctly. 

ALCOHOL.

It has a time and a place. At conventions qualifies as both.  It does not really come into play when I am actually writing, but there is more to a writing career than sitting your ass in the chair, and in fact, having drinks with friends at conventions and talking shop is one of the best parts of the self-provided compensation package for all those hours with your ass in the chair...and for doing the hard things (there I go again!) like being brave and sending in your work to editors, to rewriting that damn scene AGAIN, to trying something new, etc. etc.

Top 5 Vices That Help This Writer

Which of my many vices actually helps me be a better writer? I'll limit the list to my Top 5.

1) Booze: Like Jeffe, I've a warm place in my heart for imbibing...within reason. I'm far from twenty and puking has never been fun. A bit of liquor loosens up my brain when I'm stumped. Sometimes that something, that twist, that unexpected reaction is just beyond my grasp. A nice glass of cream sherry, a bit of port, and I've got twists in spades.

2) Caffeine: There's a reason I don't own a Keurig. I drink a carafe of coffee in the mornings then switch to tea in the afternoons. Words.On.Page.

3) Pop Culture: Like James, I'm a big fan of TV (just about anything with a plot and series arc) and CDs (yes, I still buy my music on CDs). I'll also throw in political implosions, news of the weird, product innovations, and scientific breakthroughs. It's all food for the imagination.

4) Sleep: Might seem like an Uh-Duh, but I'm not one of those people who can function without a lot of good rest. A bitter bitch I am I am without sufficient sleep. When I'm bitter, that shows up in my writing. My writing also becomes incomprehensible, which means any positive word-count that day will be erased once my grey cells are functioning properly.

5) Utter Solitude: I'm too easily distracted and too driven to control my environment to cope with people. I can't move seamlessly in and out of my imaginary world. I'm in deep or I'm out. There is no coffee-shop composition for me. Solitary confinement is my utopia.

Yep, I realize this list of vices makes me seem like an entitled hostile lush. Hey, they're vices, my friends!  

What It Means to Write Drunk and Edit Sober

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! This photo is from a couple of weeks ago, celebrating 25 years with my valentine. Never imagined I'd find someone who is such a wonderful partner for me, or that we'd be together so long. Every day I give thanks for him.

This week's topic in the Bordello is how our personal vices actually aids in our writing.

I have a little trouble with the concept of a "vice." It's defined as immoral or wicked behavior. Coming from a Catholic background, I have plenty of voices in my head willing to chime in on what the Church views as immoral. And my Celtic pagan ancestors are happy with anything the priestly immigrants would have deemed wicked. Really, I regard my vices as those things I love to indulge in that are not so great for my health. Especially if I overindulge.

I have a terrible sweet tooth, I love to laze about in the sun and drinking alcohol is one of my greatest pleasures.

Seriously, I love to drink. I gave up beer years ago because it made me fat, but I love wine of all kinds, whiskey, vodka, brandy, champagne. Mmm... One of my favorite treats is a long lunch with plenty of wine. A martini finishes the day off perfectly. Fortunately those same Celtic ancestors blessed me with a strong constitution, but I do have to be careful not to overindulge.

But I do think it helps my writing.

That is to say, I never write drunk. Not that I wouldn't if I could, but I simply can't. The focus isn't there. A poet once told me that one beer makes the words flow and two dams them up for the duration. I've found that even one drink - say a glass of wine at lunch - means no words for me that afternoon.

People often quote Ernest Hemingway as having said, "Write drunk, edit sober." Apparently this is a misattribution. While he was famous for his drinking, Hemingway was also a morning writer and his family says he never wrote past the early hours and always drank later in the day. Which matches my own experience.

So why do I say this particular vice helps my writing?

I think what this advice is getting at - and it clearly resonates on some level or it wouldn't be passed around so much - is that drafting and revising require two different states of mind. People are sometimes surprised that I am organized about my schedule and word counts to the point of keeping Gantt charts, but that I don't pre-plot or outline in any way. This is because, for me, drafting uses a very different part of my consciousness than more critical-thinking activities like editing, revising or schedule-planning do.

Thus I very deliberately let go of those considerations when I'm writing. As much as possible. To my mind, this is much like letting myself enjoy drinking. I'm perfectly aware that my grandfather was an alcoholic who died of cirrhosis of the liver. The critical part of me keeps track of my consumption and whether it affects me in a negative way. But the other part, the hedonist in me, the part that loves the feel of a well-made glass in her hand, the flavor of good alcohol and the dreamy buzz of liquor - that's more my writing self.

I need both parts in equal measures.

Also, I'm teaching a webinar this week on Navigating the Lines of Consent in sex scenes. Should be big fun!