by Laura Bickle
My husband is a foodie. I am not. It results in some interesting negotiation around food. A lot of good-natured arguments about who's right and who's wrong about food.
I mean...I'm one of those people who's entirely cool with having cereal for dinner or eating leftover pizza for breakfast. Food was always sorta a peripheral thing. I've eaten a whole lotta Hot Pockets, Froot Loops, frozen burritos, and Velveeta. I have dabbled in Spam. I was always one of those people who ate sorta because I'm supposed to, without taking much joy in the process.
Then came the husband, who introduced me to a vast array of food and shoved me kicking-and-screaming into actual dinner every night. On plates. With silverware and stuff. I actually began to enjoy stuff. Bulgogi. Pasta a la caprese. Homemade gnocci.
Yeah, I know. It's a terrible thing to be loved.
But we still disagree on some important issues about food. They're not dealbreakers for the relationship. But they do occasionally result in us sitting across from a table from each other, with one of us wrinkling our nose and saying: "I can't believe you're eating that." They can be a dealbreaker for who will eat what.
On the short list of food dealbreakers:
-Mayonnaise. I love it. Hubs says: "Mayonnaise is France's greatest crime against humanity." So...no potato salad, deviled eggs, or mayo on club sandwiches for him.
-The Great Hot Dog Debate. My tastes in dawgs is pretty proletarian. I like 'em with ketchup, mustard, onion and relish. He says that's sacrilege. He believes in mustard like it's a religion and thinks ketchup is "an abomination unto the Lord."
-Ketchup. I love me some ketchup. On pretty much everything: hash browns, fries, burgers. Bring it. See husband's take on ketchup, above.
-Steak sauce. I love steak sauce. Probably because my relatives cooked meat to the consistency of shoe leather, growing up. It makes everything more edible. Hubs says it disguises the fabulous spice rub he's used on the meat: "You can't taste the steak!"
-Nuts and beans. I adore legumes of all kinds. Hubs will not touch 'em. I've thusly learned to make beanless chili and bogart the peanut butter for myself.
-Sushi. I put my foot down on that one. He says: "You have no idea what you're missing." I say: "I don't eat anything with tentacles. I've seen too much hentai."
What are your culinary dealbreakers?