Saturday, March 1, 2014

The Purse Is The Contingency Plan

I vaguely remember the days when I carried a teeny tiny purse, before I became a mother. When I was younger and totally carefree I felt  if I completed the following checklist:
Keys, money, sunglasses, lipstick
I was good to go!

HA! Nowadays my purse is packed with everything designed to prevent/avert/relieve any and all emergencies and inconveniences that have EVER happened to me, my children, my grandson, the bystanders, the human race.... Of course those emergencies and inconveniences were all in the past, so like the Armed Forces at the start of  World War II, I'm prepared to fight the last war, not the next one.

Hmm, wait, getting a bit grandiose...but I do have a bad habit of trying to outguess Fate and carrying way too much in my purse. Ready for any contingency LOL, like the Purse in "My Stepmother Is An Alien". (Disclaimer: My purse is not inhabited by a creepy alien vaguely resembling you know what...)

 I was struggling on the staircase the other day  at work and a co-worker gallantly carried my stuff for me and he was appalled is the nice way to put it, at how heavy my purse and my carryall were.

When did I become this person??????

So what's in there, you might ask? Oh, medicine (migraine, asthma, aspirin, Tylenol, the list goes on), first aid
supplies, cell phone, iPod, hand lotion, lipstick, Chapstick, baby wipes, hair clips, three flashlights (teeny ones), Buzz Lightyear mini blaster, notepad, family photos, trading card photo of Aragorn (someone once asked me if I was related to him LOL. Um no.), two mirrors, keys, Post Office box key, badge from day job which I love because the photo is at least 10 years out of date but nobody tell them that, office key (which unlocks a receptacle with a whole bunch of other keys), two combs, stamps, expired Petco coupons, grocery store club card, a LEGO flashlight, a Mars Rover keychain, pennies, rhinestones from some blingy thing that came unglued, two sizes of screwdriver.....what?! Hey, MacGyver would have loved me!

I've had total strangers come up to me at the grocery store and start describing their surgeries for shoulder separation issues. Apparently the purse looks as heavy as it is LOL.

Almonds, a Larabar, stray M& kindle sometimes....a checkbook, calculator, receipts, notes, five pens, paperclips, two pairs of sunglasses, a LOTTO ticket....unmatched earrings....and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.

We're having a faux hurricane at the moment in SoCal, with thunder, so I'm signing off....

(And hey, did you see my new column "Sci-Fi Encounters" on the USA Today Happily Ever After blog? Just asking...)

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