Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Please, Don't Ask

Oh, the bliveting Holidays! This is the time of year for interrogations by family and family-friends. Most of them mean well, so I can't rip open the Can O' Snark. What do I do when I have to be relatively polite? 

Here are my flippant answers to the Top 5 Most Inescapable (albeit well intentioned) Questions:

Q1: What do you write about?
A1: "I believe you meant to ask, 'about what do you write?'"

Q2: Why don't you write a story about your childhood/family/that funny thing that happened?
A2:  The judge said I'd get fifteen years without parole.

Q3: Are you still working on that same book?
A3: You still on that same diet? I can see it's working for you. You were trying to gain weight, right?

Q4: You know, my friend published a book about reproductive habits of weevils on his own printing press. You want me to give him your book?
A4: Have they recently changed the definition of "friend"?

Q5: Hey, have you heard about this thing called e-books? Anybody can publish their own book! Now you don't have to be rejected anymore. Why haven't you done that?
A5: The dragon ate my manuscript.


  1. Good ones, KAK. I love your answer for Q3. I hate that question, but what I hate worse is when I tell them 'no, I'm working on something else' and then they wonder why I would work on something else when the last book never sold. 'Why don't you give me a nice papercut and pour some lemon juice on it?"

  2. Okay, if these are the non-snarky remarks, I want to see the snarky ones!! :)

    I guess I should be happy my family all live far, far away! No parties - no questions!

  3. Ha! I *love* the diet reply!! I totally feel your pain - the questions to the pre-pubbed carry the greatest sting. Very nice answers!

  4. Okay, I LoL'd at number 1. Well played.