Tuesday, June 5, 2012

B-Movie Badness: Thanks SyFy

The B Movie Database (Where Movies Come to Die) has great definitions of what makes a movie a B-Movie. Here are a few:
  1. Poor production including some of the worst special effects conceivable in a motion picture
  2. A badly written and confusing script that either tries to be clever and intelligent or artsy and different. The end result is neither.
  3. Cover art that in no way relates to the actual movie and which purposely sets out to deceive and seduce the potential viewer with Photoshop'ed images of attacking spaceships, exploding planets, vampires, and ivory handled guns.
  4. Gratuitous nudity including the man's penis and testicles which are rarely seen in Hollywood movies (with the exception of Kevin Bacon films)
  5. Really gross gore
When I think of cringe-worthy cheese-tastic I-can't-believe-they-got-the-funding-for-this movies one distributor comes to mind.

Syfy Original Movies

Clearly, there is a market for consumers who have deep abiding love for flicks like Shartopus, Arachnoquake, and Jersey Shore Shark Attack. I admit I've fallen for SyFy's farcical costume films of:
  1. Beyond Sherwood Forest -- a paranormal take on the Robin Hood tale
  2. Beauty and the Beast -- because Beauty should always be a blonde bimbo
  3. The Immortal Voyage of Captain Drake --  It had Adrian Paul. Do I need to say more?
  4. Age of the Dragons -- Moby Dick with dragons. Danny Glover at his absolute worst
  5. Highlander: The Source  -- It takes a lot to top the cheese of the first Highlander, but this futuristic version totally achieved it
Upholding the Dubiously Proud Legacy of B-Movies


  1. My DH is a complete nut for SyFy. Due to his hours he often doesn't get home until 2 AM or later and sometimes he'll flip on the TV - if it's got ninja cheerleaders or giant insects or terrible magic or whatever, he's all over it. (That and the slasher flicks). Mansquito, anyone?

  2. Ah, the cheese that is a SyFy Channel original movie. Sometimes we turn them on just for a laugh. "Look, honey, that giant gator just bit that blonde girl in half. See? I told you those blondes were gonna die."

  3. LOL, I love when they release a low-budget version of a big-budget flick. Take Thor, example.