Useless talent I have that is fun at parties...
Dudes, I'm a total shapeshifter.
Nope, wasn't caused by an arachnid run amok in chem lab or by a raucous night in the deep dark woods. My specialness isn't hereditary. There's no magical ring. No illumination of any celestial body is required. My useless party talent?
Jackass on Demand.
- Valet parking: Sorry, Speed-Racer, I don't have anything smaller than a $20. No tip for you.
- Hostess gifts: Twin bottles of Twisted Titty Merlot? Shattered in the entryway as I tripped over a spec of dust. They did leave a darling Rorschach test on the back of Mrs. Drownwhenitrains, so we'll have a game to play should there be a lull.
- Black-tie affair: Everyone knows stilettos shatter ceramic floor tiles. Why else would I have thought the husband had agreed to a kitchen redesign?
- BBQ cookout: Little monsters will be encouraged to deposit gooey fingerprints on random passersby. Games of Tag are always better with evidence.
- Singles Soiree: I'm happy to teach every gal to belch the alphabet. It's much better than the gas blasting out the other end.
- Wine tasting: A lady never spits. She swallows...and then she falls asleep at the table and drools.
I could go on, but I see you've already shredded my invite. It's quite all right. I tend to leave before anyone tries to pin a tail on this donkey.
How about you, lovely reader? Do you have any reoccurring fête foibles?
