by Linda Robertson
All right kiddies. This post ain’t for you.
ALERT! Rated R language content.
If you’re easily offended and read on, don’t bitch to me.
I lurrrve me some four letter words. Even the ones I won’t often dare to say around my mom. Lucky for us, she doesn’t have internet access so here’s my unabashed run down on all those bad words that those prim and proper folk won’t utter. You know, the words that got us kicked off the bus.
1.) DIRTY FOUR LETTER WORDS:
DAMN (or DAMMIT, but not HOT DAMN or HELLFIRE AND DAMNNATION) is my favorite, but BULLSHIT is a very close second. (I know, I know. Bullshit has eight letters. But the dirty part only has four. You know what I mean. Deal with it.) I probably use FUCK as much as I use HELL. And I likely use both of those more than ASSHOLE, which has extra letters but we did stop counting that as a factor in this post just a couple of sentences ago, so I’ll add JACKASS, BASTARD, and BITCH to the list. Around here we also like to use PISS HEAD and during vacation a few years back my own mother actually allowed my children to have that as their ‘dirty word they could say and not get in trouble for during this vacation.’ I think ASS-HAT is hilarious. I don’t swear around the younger boys (BULLSHIT!) okay, not often, and they giggle especially hard when I let slip with the ASS or SHIT.
2.) SEXUAL FOUR LETTER WORDS:
I like the word COCK waaaaay better than DICK. To me a COCK is a COCK, and can be a very good thing (or it can be a rooster), but a DICK is just a JERK. So, DICK HEAD, DICK FACE and DICK WAD aren’t said around here. (That I know of.) BONER is not a word ever coming out of my mouth. (HAHAHAHAHA, had to phrase it that way. Should I have said not ‘flowing’ from my mouth? Forgive me. Just made me laugh so hard…) BOOB is an okay word but it has a goofy connotation to it IMHO, so I like the word TITS better as it sounds dirty-sexy, but admittedly in writing I refer to mammaries as breasts unless in-character who is using a different word. *I do NOT particularly like either of the C-words used to refer to female genitalia that end in T. I dislike them so much I won’t even use them in this post.* However, I suppose that the words ANAL, ANUS, SPHINCTER, SCROTUM, PRICK and JISM should at least be made mention of in this section.
3.) TABOO FOUR LETTER WORDS:
For a time we were not allowed to say SUCK around my mom. We had to replace it with the more sedate VACCUUM when in her presence. (Eye-rolling.) The Not-In-Good-Taste Four Letter Word List wouldn’t be complete without the inclusion of: FART, SLUT, TURD, CRAP, MILF, PUKE, BARF, SMUT. My younger boys have been known to say creative things like: “SON OF A BACON” or “That’s BAD ASTRONAUT!” Earns ‘em a dose of the stink-eye. While no longer what I’d consider taboo, I want to mention that by this point I think I’ve covered all of George Carlin’s original 7 Dirty Words except COCKSUCKER and MOTHERFUCKER, neither of which I use.
4.) MISCELLANEOUS FOUR LETTER WORD
COMBOS THAT I OBJECT TO:
THAI FOOD. Don’t like curry. ‘Nuff said.
TUBE TOPS. No explanation needed.
FLAT TIRE. If you’ve ever had one, and you don’t have AAA, you'll understand this one too.
HUNG OVER. Know how to handle your liquor. Know your limits. Until you do, this will be an issue.
BONUS) WORDS THAT SHOULD BE TREATED
AS FOUR LETTER WORDS:
ZUMBA. PILATES. RAISINS. SPEED LIMITS.
So…what would you add to my ‘ought be treated like a four letter word’ list?