Social Media Sin #3

Phoning it in because you think you SHOULD. I mean. Everyone else is doing the Social Media thing! Taking the online world by storm. Or at least maybe talking to people. Via pixels. But hey! Selling things ulterior motive!

No. No. No. This is beaching yourself on the shores of social media hell simply because you envy someone else's easy, pithy style and/or number of followers. Yeah, I had to reach for a metaphor to match my photo. Work with me.

In echo of what Marshall said so well yesterday, the social media thing isn't compulsory. There are absolutely people who have just enough extroversion in their generally introverted little hearts to make the social media thing look easy. But, you know, do you. If watching your Twitter feed scroll gives you hives, don't do it. If Facebook or Pinterest or Tumblr or anything else is a black hole mysteriously swallowing hours of your day, you have a problem and should probably cold turkey that crack.

Here's the rule I apply to me: If fun = yes, then go. If fun = pulling teeth, then no. Okay. There is an ancillary rule: Word count for the day must be achieved BEFORE any social media. Because writing is my job. Social media is a tool, yes, and fun - but it supports the writing, not the other way around. Why such simple rules?

It goes back to Jeffe's theme on the subject: Engagement. I find that me yelling BUY MY THING is as much fun as slamming my fingers repeatedly in car doors. It's off-putting when someone else fills my feeds with desperate buy links, I have no intention of doing it to someone else. Now. Annoying people with cat photos? Or with ridiculous, nerdy memes? Or comically awful nihilistic end of the world scenarios? Sign me up. Yeah. I know. I need to work on my definition of fun, don't I? The thing is a sense of enjoyment translates. If the person behind the social media posts is genuinely having a good time posting, that comes through. And there's nothing like a bit of fun to draw people in to engage with you. At least, that works for me. Sure. There are people who attract attention by posting outrage over this cause or that cause. I'm glad there are people who do that - the unexamined dark corners of humanity could use a little light shone into them. If that's your thing, more power to you. But that's the point: Do what matters to you. Make room for having a good time.

Shoulds are boulders. They'll crush you if you let them.

Social Media Sin #2

As Jeffe so brilliantly pointed out on Sunday, social media is about interaction not broadcasting. This means we share a bit about ourselves and we react to information others share with us. In an ideal world a nice game of give and take.

Until...

Debbie Downer: Chronic Over-Sharer and Martyr for Misery 

Debbie's not having a bad day. She's having a horrible life and turning to social media for public sympathy. Her feeds are a 70/30 split of baiting misfortunes and actual interactions. She doesn't want therapy, advice, or help. She really doesn't want commiseration for fear of being out-miserabled. (Is too a word!) She craves the attention. Woe be to anyone venturing good news into their shared public space. Debbie is on her way to suck the joy out of everyone's day.

Debbie is so morose her mere presence causes rational people to flee, to unsubscribe, to block, to unfriend, and to delete with all haste.

Saints forfend should Debbie cross paths with Ranting Raylene who lives to agitate, instigate, and over-react.

Social Media Sin #1

Megan Hart and I at the Day of the Dead mixer at the Coastal Magic Convention. Those skeleton hands temporary tattoos were super cool - and hell to get off again. Oops.

But I'm here today to talk about virtual communities and circles of social media hell. Which do I pick as my current #1 Social Media Sin?

Abusing email loops.

I'm on a number of email loops, most of them various author groups. Some are authors who all write for a particular publisher, some are RWA chapter loops, some are loops for group blogs. They range in size from maybe a dozen members up to probably 500 or more for one of them. But the point remains that all of them are specific-purpose loops, for authors to interact.

And some people can't seem to get past sending emails about their latest blog post, book release or what-have-you to these loops. One gal is on three different loops with me, so I see her send several-weekly blog post announcements to all three loops. Over and over and over.

So, let's talk about why I'm sending her to this circle of Social Media Hell to be punished for eternity or until she reforms her ways. (Guess which outcome is more likely?)

Problem #1 - She's pinging the same finite audience with promo messages, over and over.

Pretty much only the people on that email loop will see the message. The exception would be if someone forwards a message off loop, which is usually against group policy and they're unlikely to forward your promo anyway. She must feel like she's accomplishing something, but she's broadcasting to the same people all the time. This is not building engagement. It's returning to the same billboard week after week to slap up a flyer in a slightly different color and leave again.

Problem #2 - She's irritating people.

Okay, she's irritating me. But I've heard other people mention her practice on this, too. Since these missives are pretty much the only things I hear from her - because I never click through to her blog posts - my entire association about her now is a sense of irritation. Sure, it's easy to delete and I do, but every time, a bit of that irritation builds. And it's not making a pearl, I can tell you that.

Problem #3 - She's talking to other authors, not to readers.

So, yes - authors are also readers. But we're not on those loops as readers. We're there to talk about our common profession, not to sell books to each other. I know a lot of you who read this blog are authors, particularly posts like this, which are more about author practices. But I'm talking to you about author things, which theoretically helps my overall reputation. I'm not yammering at you to buy my books. This is really key - know why you're talking to what group.

Problem #4 - She's broadcasting, not engaging.

Nathan Lowell is a newish friend of mine and has really smart things to say about marketing. One of the points he's made is that social media is about engagement and influence. It's a DIFFERENT kind of marketing than traditional advertising which works by way of broadcasting. A cereal brand puts commercials on TV or puts up billboards in the hope that a certain percentage of people who see those ads will respond by buying the product. Effective social media, however, is about creating communication with people who want to hear your message. Ideally everyone in your network who receives your message is someone who has opted in and is happy to hear it. Not irritated. (See #2.)

Problem #5 - She's oblivious to the purpose of the email loop.

By sending her blog post messages to the group - especially the same one to multiple groups - she's effectively telling us that she doesn't care about us or our common profession. She's making it clear that she's there to promote her career, not to form relationships with us or offer her expertise. She's telling me that she's not my friend. Which makes me feel like I'm not her friend either.

I've picked on one particular example here, but the principle applies to all interactions on email loops. They are not your street team or newsletter subscribers! If you abuse your email loops, then yes - you will find yourself in the circle of Social Media Hell that I rule. My demons will bombard you will email messages until you weep for mercy.

Until you promise to mend your ways.

Now, go forth, my people and pay attention to who you're emailing and why.

Top Ten Social Media Gaffes

Social media gaffes. What? You mean like the time I mortally and culturally embarrassed myself by asking on Twitter what GBP meant and Jeffe had to tell me, "Uhm. You know. The POUND. As in the currency of Great Britain." I slunk away into the backwaters of Twitter for a few days after that one.

TOP TEN SOCIAL MEDIA GAFFES

10. Offensive or titillating, incomplete click-bait post (click through! find out why you aren't making a million dollars! You'll be amazed!)

9. Overly emotional primary relationship venting. Twitter is not a qualified marriage counselor. Breaking up via text message, FB post, or in fewer than 140 characters is truly bad form.

8. ANYTHING that would make you show up on Straight White Guys Texting (Tumblr blog - before you go look, just remember that what you see cannot be unseen).

7. Live Tweeting your 'Beat the Tide Beer Race' that day you called in sick to work. Never mind that your boss and coworkers follow you.

6. SCREAM AND NAME CALL a fellow professional - editor, agent, fellow author, as yet unpublished author. Nah. You know what? Anyone. Do that to anyone.

5. Expect social media to educate you. That thing you don't know or understand? No one on Twitter owes you an encyclopedic explanation on it. You *might* get one. You might get a couple. But seriously, you want to comprehend the complexities of LGBTQ+ rights? Do some damn research. Expecting that cool gender queer person you follow on Twitter to explain it all is A) disrespectful and B) a pain in the ass.

4. Use someone else's photos, words, or art without permission much less attribution.

3. Not sending cat pictures. This is a big one. The internet is for two things and two things only. You already know the other four letter word. Cats are the other. Fail to post pics and see what happens when they finally achieve complete subjugation of the human race.

2. Not saying what you believe in a sane, rational way - you get to believe what you believe - just be aware that no matter what you believe, once you speak it - or commit it to the eternity that is the interweb - it's available for target practice. But you NOT speaking your truth is also a gaffe. Against yourself and anyone who wants to know who you are.

1. Trolling J.K. Rowling. She owes the internet. Troll her and see how fast she'll own you.

Social Media gaffes

On the topic of the worst social media gaffes ever done to me... allow me to assure you that this is a much shorter list than if the subject were the reverse. My goofs are plentiful like weeds.


GAFFE ONE:
What comes to mind as what I hesitate to term an offense is the constant misspelling of my character's names. Especially Menessos. I know, I know, you invent a name and that's the least you can expect. Six books in, I've seen his name spelled so many different ways by interviewers, reviewers and fans that while I can't not see it, I barely pay any attention anymore. They read the book--a thousand blessings upon them--so, I can forgive a typo.

Especially since I am a guilty repeat offender of the typo sin, I ain't throwin' no stones.


GAFFE TWO:
This second little scene I'll share is not exactly media (though I could split hairs about there being a book involved and the fact that a book is a form of media), but this gaffe occurred in a real-life face-to-face social setting.

Before I was published but after I had a manuscript sold, I stood in line at a convention mass signing to get the autograph of an author whose books I adored, who is still a "big name" in the genre, and who was completely sweet and wonderful. I, of course, had a badge for the convention around my neck, and my name was printed on it. She looked at it before signing, saw that I had written underneath my name that I had sold a manuscript --because I was totally excited, delighted and proud of that. She congratulated me and I told her what I loved about her books. Then she signed her most recent release which I had brought with me.

She signed it "To Nancy."

I watched her write it.

I'm Linda. My badge said Linda. In BIG BOLD LETTERS. 

One side of my brain was screaming, "But...but...BUT!" The other side was arguing, "Now hush. You can't tell her to correct it. She can't scribble over it and re-write it. She can't magic the ink off of the page." 

I dunno who Nancy was or where she came from...but I can tell you that I would like to sit at a convention and have to sign so many books I can't remember people's names from one minute to the next. And I'd hope folks were gracious enough to say "Thank you," anyway and walk away happy that they had a silly story to tell later like I did.

The Social Media Gaffe: Public Feeds vs Private Groups

Social Media Gaffes -- The Worst Thing Anyone Has Done To You

~scratches chin~

Tough topic. I haven't had "hold my purse" moment on social media since Online Communities became Social Media. Sure, there are the crass people who only post "Buy My Stuff" or CAPSLOCK EVERYTHING. They're easy enough to unfollow or ignore. I'm fortunate; I haven't attracted the real trolls to my public feeds. I'm still below their radars. I'm a teeny tiny fish--plankton, even.


Now, I've had plenty of volleys launched at me in private groups, which--for the record--are public forums. Most of the flying turds were due to me being the voice of organizational change. The implementor. The official communicator. The person holding the proverbial fan. While there is nothing wrong with voicing objections; there is an art to doing it in a professional and/or inoffensive manner. Unfortunately, there were more than a handful of folks who shared their displeasure via personal attacks. Fortunately, I chose not to take them that way.

Mother always said, "Consider the source."

If someone can't present a contrasting view/opinion from a position of logic, they aren't open to logical discussion. Emotional attacks are diatribes not debates. They are issued from positions of fear. Fear is something that cannot be eliminated via text.

Fairly simple, right? Not always.

There are times it takes me longer than it should to move past my initial rage and bristling defense in order to calm down enough that I can see it's not about me. It's about them.

In that way, succeeding as a writer is perfect practice for succeeding with social media. We have to have thick skins and solid beliefs in our very cores that rejections and bad reviews aren't manifestations of our personal flaws. We can choose to look at them as opportunities for improvement...or we can ignore them.

As the spokesperson for the leadership of those forums, the best I could do was acknowledge the attacker's concerns and thank them for being a member of the community. Some folks would leave it at that. Some took it as fuel and burned brighter and more publicly. I offered no further response. I let them burn.

Their fear is no cause to create fear in me.

Unless...doxxing. There is never an excuse for that. That's the time to get IRL authorities involved.

Social Media Gaffes

In honor of Mother's Day, I think this photo says it all. Also, I kind of love that the book my mom is showing me is Dr. Suess and how rapt my expression is. There's a reason the dedication in THE TALON OF THE HAWK says what it does.

I have to write an acceptance speech for the awards ceremony at the RT Convention this week, for the Seal of Excellence for THE MARK OF THE TALA. In a minute or less I have to thank everyone who brought me to this point. A daunting prospect. My primary goal is to get through it without weeping. You know I'll be mentioning my mom.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Speaking of the RT Convention, I'll give a little shout out to the other woman who raised me, my grandmother, who I still miss. This photo also says it all about my formative influences.

Yes, my grandmother is giving me beer. She even wrote on the back that "she sure likes her ale - isn't this cute?" No, you can't prosecute her, as she's long since passed away. It was a different era and there's truth to the adage that ale is like mother's milk to the Irish!

Now you know why I'm always in the bar. Though you'll see me with Jameson or martinis, not ale these days. I get my vanity from my mother and grandmother, too.

This week's ACTUAL topic in the Bordello, following on last week's digital networking theme, is "social media gaffes – worst things anyone has done to you."

It's an interestingly phrased question - not how we ourselves have screwed up, but what someone else has done to annoy us. I'm pretty lucky in that not much of this has happened to me. I also block people pretty quickly if they step over my lines. One guy was trying to get me to post more pics of my over-the-knee socks. I said that wasn't my schtick. He persisted. I blocked.

Boom.

Several of the Word Whores were generous in their mentions of me in their posts, and how I've helped them network. I'm really happy to help people network and I don't mind the "coattailing," as Marcella calls it. But there are limits to that. First, let me say that none of the Word Whores have ever done this to me. There was this one gal, however...

We were on Twitter, as I am a lot of the time, and a book blogger was tweeting to me about loving my book. She and I were going back and forth, talking about my hero and what she loved about him. And another writer jumped in and started talking about HER hero and her upcoming book. She totally redirected the conversation.

It annoyed the hell out of me. Thought I did ask a couple of my friends to look, to do a crazy check to confirm that I wasn't overreacting. They agreed that it was rude.

The thing is, I know a lot of people hesitate to convo intrude on Twitter and I always tell them to go ahead. That's what Twitter is for. If people get annoyed that you jumped in on a conversation, screw them because then they shouldn't have been having the convo on open Twitter in the first place. The caution here, however, is don't be so socially tone deaf, so madly focused on self-promotion, that you jump on stage and wrench the spotlight from shining on someone else to focus it on yourself.

It's rude in real life. It's rude on social media.

What about you all - got any social media horror stories?

You all have a great week and hope to see you at RT!!