PAYING FOR IT (putting the go in your algorithm)

The blogosphere has been all afire over the recent revelation of some authors paying for reviews.

It happens.

I know some of you are like: "So what's the big deal?"

Well, here's the big deal. The main bookselling website is Amazon. This is where the majority of books are bought in the world. That's not an exaggeration, it's just the fact. Amazon is also where the majority of reviews are placed.

Well, the thing you should know about Amazon is that they have this nifty little thing called an algorithm. We all know what it is conceptually, but no one who doesn't work at Amazon understands it fully. It's the Matrix. It's the ghost in the machine. It is the Wizard in the Oz. It is the selling peanut butter to your buying jelly.

You've been on Amazon. You've seen the items they recommend for you to buy. You get their emails suggesting books. This is all the work of the faceless, all-knowing, mysterious and strange algorithm.

There is one thing we know about the algorithm. It is driven in part by reviews.

Because the algorithm assumes honesty it actually weights reviews pretty heavily in its ranking and recommendation system. So when some asshat comes along and buys a ton of reviews they are gaming the system. They are pulling a shell game on you. They are feeding you a lie masked by your trust of the Amazon system.

If you buy their book based on the recommendation or the paid for reviews, then they are STEALING YOUR MONEY.

Now you might try their book and like it. If so, then win win. But I find that if you have to pay for it, then it's because you know you can't get it on your own.

So rest assured loyal readers. I have not and will not pay for a review. The reviews you see on my books are honestly given by folks who either liked (Yay!) or disliked (Boo!) my writing.

Now that being said. IF YOU LIKE AN AUTHOR THEN PLEASE GO REVIEW THEIR BOOK.

It really does mean the world to them and it could be the tipping point for them to get a boost in the algorithm's arcane machinations. It is the single best way you can support the writers you like besides buying their books.

PUT DOWN THE MILK LEST IT SHOOT OUT THY NOSE.

Sorry to all of you for completely dropping the ball last week.

This week though I am here and ready to go.

Now I don't usually troll the interwebs for funny. I don't check Failbook or any of the others. I go straight to the youtube and find things to laugh at.

such as this:




HA! I will watch that video over and over....Cats getting theirs is funny to me...Maybe it's because I have never owned a cat that didn't begin using my laundry basket for a litter box. I am not a cat fan.

Then there is the ever lovely ASK A NINJA. I will get wrapped up in these for hours..it's funny, charming, smart, and can sneak up behind you in a an alley and slit your throat.

Hi larious.



They can throw a shuriken, then jump on top of it. It hits you in the neck and they punch you in the face.


And finally, I love Louise CK. He's raunchy and wrong, and listening to him will make you feel really bad for laughing, but he is so frakkin funny.

Here is a clean bit he did on late night tv that is funny and poignant.




Okay...one more. Stephen Lynch. Funniest man with a guitar....this is about the only clip safe for work so enjoy it. Click on any of his others at your own risk.

I AM A VERY SECURE MAN. (or in which James discusses his man-crushes which are not few in number)

Celebrity crushes. Well, pull up a chair kiddos and let's talk about my celebrity crushes. Being the only man 'round these here parts I bet you thought you were gonna pull up a bunch of pictures of pretty ladies. Well, you would be wrong. lol. Keeping in the spirit of my fellow word whores I am gonna share with you my man-crushes. Yep. I have man-crushes on some celebrities. Now let's preface this all with a brief aside and a bit of an explanation. I am not a pretty man. I know this. I have a lot of look going on with my size, the tattoos, the shaved head, the goatee. I look like a thug. I am just fine with this. The Missus likes it and I have no problem with my appearance. No low self-esteem at all. So while I am not actually attracted to other men I do have a measuring stick for if a man is attractive. I look and I say:" would I trade places with him in the looks department?" If the answer is yes, then he is attractive. If the answer is no, then he isn't. Some of this is based on the actor's appearance, some on their personality, and some, truthfully on the roles they play. So here is the list of the man-crushes currently going on, along with an explanation for each. 

 4) Timothy Olyphant This one is directly tied to his role as US Marshall Raylan Givens. If you aren't watching Justified then shame on you. This is a badass show and Olyphant is acting his ass off in it. Damn his character is cool. This is the level of quiet badassery that little boys strive for when they are trying to be cool. Like Gregory Peck in TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, Marshal Raylan Givens just shows up and does the work. 

 3) John Barrowman Not only is John Barrowman the "straight version of Tom Cruise" (Thank you Joan Rivers) he is one charming sonnuvabitch. He is funny, clever, and witty. Watch him host shows on the BBC, sing on stage in musicals, or kick alien ass as Captain Jack Harkness on Torchwood and he does it all with style. He still holds resentment for being turned down for the role of Will on Will and Grace for being too straight (John is openly gay and has been in a long term relationship with his partner Scott for EVER) and then having the role given to an actual straight actor. He has the movie star good looks and winning personality to make the list. Whenever I am famous and doing a UK book tour I want to meet him and Scott and then me and The Missus can go to their house for dinner. 

 2) Nathan Fillion The Missus and I had our picture taken with Nathan at Dragoncon. That is one charming bastard. Seriously. It's not so much the looks, but all that charm he oozes in Castle, that's the real deal. At the photo thing he was tired, bone tired, you could see the dark circles under his eyes and he had the world's biggest coffee, but he was still full of energy and cracking jokes. 

 And finally 1) Dwayne Johnson Okay, admit it. Dwayne Johnson is the pinnacle of male perfection. Seriously. He's not even a sexual object as much as what an artist would draw if told to design the ultimate male physique. The sonnuvabitch is carved from marble. Plus he is a pretty good actor and has more than his share of charm. He can swing from ass-kicking action to charming and tender-hearted, to downright damn funny. He's the person I had in mind to play Deacon Chalk if a movie is ever made. Ya hear that Dwayne? Do you smell what the Tuck is cookin'? An BTW, thank you all for all the books you have bought and all the reviews, posts, and comments you have made for my new book BLOOD AND BULLETS. I am truly grateful for just how supportive you have all been.