Friday, January 6, 2012

Ah, Glory Days

Okay. Stupid human tricks. I have 'em. The days of performing all but the simplest are past...but here. Try this.

Stand with your feet flat on the floor. Now, squat down without lifting your heels from the floor. Sounds simple, but a significant portion of the population can't do it. This isn't so much a stupid human trick as it is a trick of genetics. You're either born with hyper-open ankles or you're normal.  This is the one I can still do.

The real trick was a blip corresponding with my three years at an acting conservatory. I was in the best physical condition of my life. It was nice while it lasted, so don't ask to see this in person. Someone'll just end up having to call 911.

Start in lotus position. Slip your hands through the gaps in your folded legs. Using the strength of your abdominal muscles, bring your knees as close to your shoulders as you can. Now. Hike forward and up on your hands. Walk. Climb stairs - this is the easy part. Now, turn around. Go back down - this is the bitch. But yes. I could do this. I DID do this for a show while still at Cornish. It amused my classmates. They already thought I was pretty hopelessly strange, so it was no big deal to confirm their suspicions in this fashion. Besides. It made the object of my unrequited affection at the time laugh, so I was all about it.


  1. Upstairs and back down?!? You win. I was happy when I could crab-walk to the end of the yoga mat and back...and I was, like, 10 years old then. Now I have to struggle to get into Lotus.

  2. The scary part, Jeffe, is that there may *be* video...not that I'd know where it was - but it's clear I can never, ever run for public office.

    KAK - I'd end up in a full body cast at this point if I attempted anything like it again. I have to be happy with stupidly simple squat to the floor. At least I can still get back up on my own. Mostly.

  3. Up and down the stairs is amazing. I'm quite capable of tumbling down the stairs just walking on my on two feet. Upright. With no parts of my body crossed or contorted in any way.

  4. Alas, I can't bend my left leg far enough to try either of those tricks anymore. When I was a kid, I could do the lotus position/walk on my hands thing, though. I was never brave enough to try the stairs.

  5. B.E. it's possible there was a dare involved...

  6. My owner had to try the squat thing of course. Not a good thing to try when your body is already aching because of a cold/flu. it'll take her all day to recover :-p