Perfect Man

by Laura Bickle

I don't think that there is A Perfect Man out there, no Adonis-like avatar or archetype of manliness. Just like there is no Perfect Woman, no Aphrodite arising from the sea foam. That's a whole lotta pressure - in being with a Perfect Man, I must be the Perfect Woman, right? I don't want to be that, and I don't want to expect that. I'm not much into outwardly-imposed ideas of perfection. It's sorta dehumanizing.

It also implies that one person can be our everything. That one's identity should be subsumed by another, that one person can meet all our needs and solve all our problems. And that's a very sad, widespread myth. I have a husband who I love and adore. But I'm not going to be able to share his love for his college football team, sushi, or his latest video game. And he doesn't know what my thing with shoes is, what's awesome about kielbasa-cabbage soup, or why Peter Gabriel is a genius. We have other people in our lives who fill other roles - friends and coworkers and family - who understand us in a slightly different milieu.


Khalil Gibran says it best in THE PROPHET:

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.