The Poor Pessimist's Guide to Not Writing

I'm not much good at being a pessimist.

Seriously. It's not that I'm a rose-colored glasses person (actually, maybe I am...), but I'm blessed to have optimistic body chemistry. Happy is my default emotional state. In college, I was a peer counselor, which involved pretty intensive training over ten weeks, with a full Saturday devoted to particular topics. For suicide, we were all assigned to think about what in our own selves would drive us to contemplate doing that. It dovetailed with an acting class assignment to perform a solo scene without words. So I created a scene of a woman committing suicide with pills. (I used pine nuts and the flavor of those still reminds me of that sense of despair I created.) It was incredibly difficult for me to get to that place.

As I recall, my acting teacher thought I didn't quite manage. LOL! Of course, there are a number of reasons I'm a writer, not an actress.

ANYWAY. This week's topic in the bordello is The Pessimist's Top 5 Reasons to Never Write. As a failed pessimist, here's my stab at it.

1.  The persistent fear that the next book will be the one that sucks
   
   I can't shake this one. Is it just me? I'm forever worrying that the book I'm writing will be terrible. I also fret that ones that are out are actually terrible - no matter the praise - and that people aren't telling me the truth. I'm not like this about anything else in my life.
   
2. The daily dread that I won't make wordcount
   
   This one is rich. Every day I start writing with the fear that I won't hit my planned number of words. Sometimes I procrastinate on starting, because I'm afraid the words won't flow. Crazy.
   
3.  I could make money more easily in other ways
   
   Right? Making money as a writer is not easy. It takes a long time and is never a sure thing. And, if I think too much about making money, that gets in the way of the story. I still make much more money at my day job and it's not nearly as difficult. For example, I never worry that my next report to the EPA will be the one that sucks. :-)
   
4.  I'll never write a book as good as...
   
   [Insert name of much-loved book here]
   
5.  It gets in the way of my reading
   
   One of the sad truths of writing is it takes away from reading - both in time and pure enjoyment. It's difficult now to divorce my writer's brain when I'm reading and I'm much pickier about books now than I used to be. Alas. Also, the books really pile up these days (see last week's post.)

So, much like I associate suicidal despair with the taste of pine nuts, writing this now has me thinking about all of the craziness that comes with being a writer. I suspect the take-home message here is that not one of these things would exist if I didn't care so passionately and deeply about books and writing. That's what it comes down to for me. My day job is a job - one I enjoy and believe in
- but being a writer is... being alive. Which is why I write despite all of these neurotic fears.

Maybe, in some ways, I write BECAUSE of them. Next week will be the optimist's turn. Much more my natural habitat. :-)

Also...

I've been over at Harlequin Junkie, with an interview and giveaway. I asked readers to comment on what posts topics they like to see from authors. The answers are pretty illuminating! One thing a number of them mentioned is teasers from work in progress. Which I never do. So, I'm testing the theory and I challenge the other Word Whores to do so! Here's a little teaser from book 4 of The Twelve Kingdoms, THE PAGES OF THE MIND.

*******

The ladies oohed, put the last touches on her hair and the subtle makeup Ursula had agreed to, and bowed out to take their places in the hall. Ursula remained still for a moment longer, a somber expression on her face as she studied herself in the mirror, making me wonder what she saw there.

“Nervous?” Harlan asked her, before I could, which meant he earned the glare instead.

“I’m having a big piece of jewelry stuck on my head,” she retorted. “What’s to be nervous about?”

 

How 2014 Changed Me

Today is the Winter Solstice in the northern hemisphere - a day that feels sacred to me, deep in my bones. In many ways, this day feels like the end of the year to me, far more so than December 31 ever has. From here the year turns around. The photo above wasn't from today, but I did take it on the winter solstice a few years ago. The brilliant light in it encapsulates exactly how I feel about the implicit promise of solstice.

This week, appropriate to winding up the old year and looking ahead to the new, we're evaluating three ways our writing has changed or evolved over the last year.

Regular visitors to the Bordello know that I keep pretty detailed metrics on my writing. That helps me get an objective measure on evaluations like this. (Can't shake that scientific training!) So, a few of those measures from the last year, as of this Solstice Day.

Words written in 2014: 558,396
Highest wordcount month: August, with 68,050
Lowest wordcount month: September with 22,402
Monthly average overall: 46,533
Highest week: 2nd week of August with 20,922
Lowest week: 4th week of July with 1,105
Weekly average: 9,144
Daily average:  1,573
Works published: 5 (10 release dates, counting the six episodes of Master of the Opera)
Longest work written to date: The Talon of the Hawk, 132,377 words

So, three ways that my writing changed?

I wrote more, faster

I took to heart my own advice to treat increasing wordcount the same way I approach physical training - by gradually increasing the volume and intensity of what I did. At times I worked with a 3,000 words/day goal. Part of this was knowing I'd need recovery time and factoring that in. It's no coincidence that my lowest wordcount month followed the highest. Overall, I increased my average daily wordcount by 200 words/day from 2013. That might not sound like a lot, but cumulatively it is. And is a gradual increase that shows an overall improvement in my writing endurance and condition.

I wrote longer

When I first began writing novels, switching over from the short essays I had been writing to creating longer works was a huge challenge for me. It took a lot for me to learn how to contain a longer story in my head and work on it incrementally. I am naturally a concise writer. My editors always ask me to add, never to cut. Edits always involve embellishing, explaining, delving. This year saw me write my two longest works ever. The other was Rogue's Paradise at just over 102,000 -  it's probably significant that both it and The Talon of the Hawk wound up trilogies. They're good-longer, too, judging by reader reactions. Not fatty, but strong stories that needed to be that long.

I got better

Maybe all writers feel this way, but I live in fear that the next book will suck. With each book, I'm getting better attention - better critical acclaim, amazing awards and singular notice - all of which is wonderful but also makes me fear that I won't be able to sustain it. Especially as I write more, faster and longer (see above). I'm knocking on wood as I write this, but so far, I'm continuing to improve as a writer. The two books I have coming out in 2015 so far - Under His Touch on January 19 and The Talon of the Hawk on May 26 - are, according to my editors and early feedback/reviews, the best I've written so far. I think I'm, like that Olympic athlete, hitting my stride.

I can't wait to see what 2015 holds!

Solstice blessings on you all - may the next year be full of wonder, beauty and joys, both great and small.

Increasing Word Count and Training for #NaNoWriMo

This seemed like an appropriate photo for the topic of the new week - Managing Your Time: If You've a Deadline, You've a Schedule. How Do You Get Back On Track When Your Schedule Goes To Crap?

I'm in this place right now, getting back on track on a number of levels. My schedule didn't really go to crap. But I did take a huge step back in September and now, it's turned out, a good portion of October. It's been deliberate in some ways and very likely much needed. Also weird.

See, in August I wrote 68,050. The most I've ever done in one month. It was a lot for me. More, that followed a straight run since the previous August when I wrote at least 41,000 words every month. In 2013 I wrote just over 497,000 words and so far for 2014, I've written 455,000. To do the math for you, that means I'll likely have somewhere around 550,000 by December 31.

Once I get back on track, that is.

Because, in September, I only wrote 22,402. So far, for October I have 16,831. These are my two lowest word count months since May of 2013. I haven't been doing nothing, precisely. I edited the novel that comes out in January, Under His Touch - developmental edits up through proofreading - and developmental edits on The Talon of the Hawk, which took a lot of focus, though a minimal additional word count. I worked up a proposal for three more Twelve Kingdoms books and started the first in the concept for another contemporary romance series. There's been a lot of promo with the release of Rogue's Paradise in September and preparing for The Tears of the Rose in November.

But I haven't been doing much drafting. Which takes a whole other muscle.

Speaking of muscles, I was also sick in September. Some kind of low-level respiratory crud that nevertheless laid me low for several weeks. I got behind in exercising, too. Though managed to use the treadmill desk some every day, if only to keep my lymph flowing, I couldn't run or lift weights. The treadmill served as a cat bed more than it moved. All of this was by way of necessary recovery. I truly believe that. I don't have another book deadline until March 1. I haven't gotten sick in a long time. It worked out okay for this to be my down time.

However, it's now time to ramp up again and the question, the focus of our topic this week, is how do I do that?

I take my own advice. The sort I had the opportunity to hand out a couple of weeks ago when Chris Baty, the founder of NaNoWriMo, visited our local chapter meeting, something I mentioned in last week's post, too. One gal asked if Chris had advice on how to get going on writing those 1,667 words/day to make the 50K words/month that's the NaNoWriMo goal. He said he didn't so I offered mine. I told her that the temptation is to do the math exactly that way - to divide 50K by the 30 days of November and focus on achieving 1,667 words for each of those days. The problem with that approach is that writing that many words on the first day is akin to learning to run a marathon by going out and running ten miles right off the bat.

Yeah, you can probably do it, but you'll feel the pain later.

In fact, you might be able to do it for a couple/three/four days - and then the crash occurs. Like my recovery time recently, it's a natural sequel to going flat out.

Better, I told her, to treat it like that marathon training. Build up a little more every day. Stop before you're tired, because that energy will translate to the next day. Consider setting up a schedule for NaNoWriMo like this:

1	100
2	200
3	300
4	400
5	500
6	750
7	1000
8	1250
9	1500
10	1750
11	2000
12	2000
13	2000
14	2000
15	2000
16	2100
17	2100
18	2100
19	2100
20	2100
21	2100
22	2200
23	2200
24	2200
25	2200
26	2200
27	2200
28	2200
29	2200
30	2200

By the end of November 30, you'd have 50,150 words. Best of all, by the time you've got yourself doing 2,200 words a day, it will feel very easy and natural. Because you'd be in shape for it.

This is what I need to do, to get myself back in shape. I've gotten back into running and weight-lifting, working my way back up to my previous levels. I'm tracking my treadmill desk miles, making sure I do a little more each week. I need to get back into drafting, but not to 2,200 words/day. Not right off, tempting as that is. I'm going to ramp up like this. Get the words flowing.

Back on track.

Know Thy Word Count

I seem to be taking on the roll of contrarian (or devil's advocate, if you prefer) in the bordello. Because, quite frankly, word counting beyond the basics (of I wrote x number of words today) is a little too much like clock watching for me. It's stultifying. It indicates that something's wrong in my scene. I mean, the ideal is to get lost in the flow of brilliant prose. So maybe, on reread, it isn't as brilliant as all that - but you know what I mean. At least it's on paper, right? Who doesn't want a couple of hours to zoom by leaving you several thousand words richer? It's the perfect world scenario.

Tell me true, though. How often does it happen to you? Not often enough? Yeah. Me, neither. We aspire to an ideal that may only be achieved upon rare occasion. Of course, the only way to approach that lofty state is by showing up at the keyboard as often as possible and laying down words. No matter how tortured.

Sadly, counting (and subsequently keeping track of) words written is about the only objective metric we have available for measuring progress on a WIP. It's useful for deadline management and for knowing how long you take to write a solid book. If it is true that the writer should indeed know him or herself, then you need to know how many words a day you're most comfortable writing. Note I don't say 'capable of'. 'Capable of' has a high burn out rate. And the one thing word count can never tell is whether a novel is any good. At all. Sure, we all have good days and bad days. Some of us produce much better prose when we're forced to go fast. Some of us crumble like stale oatmeal cookies when the pressure's on. Know which one you are and then let me know. If there are cookie crumbs, I'm going to want tea.

Where was I? Oh yes. Know thyself. Know thy process. For example, I know I'm a pantser. I know that I start a project quickly, slow to a crawl through the middle, and then ramp my writing speed as I close in on the ending. I know I draft almost exclusively in dialogue (read that as 'all talking heads, no action') and that this annoys me.

But also? Know that you can change. You can change you and you can change your process. You aren't likely to change core issues - if you're a plotter, you'll probably always be a plotter - that's how story makes sense to you. But let's say you have the opportunity to leave a day job and begin writing for x hours every single day. If you're already keeping track of your writing habits, you have a base upon which to build. If you only have a few stolen moments per week to write but you'd like to step up your output? You have to know where you're starting before you can begin stretching your limits. Yes. That's what I've been doing for myself - stretching. Pushing my limits. Hence a few books and articles on productivity that Jeffe alluded to early in the week.

So here, for the curious are my goals.

1. Write every day for four hours per day
2. Write at least 2k words per day

My actuals? I don't get to write every day. Migraines do not permit that. They steal about four days a month when I'm lucky. When I'm not lucky . . . let's just say the month of October 2012 was a real downer. Just about any other illness can be written through (in fact, writing while loopy with flu has some benefits - but only in the drafting stage because writing with a fever ensures you'll need to correct a bunch of really entertaining mistakes). It is incumbent upon me to plan for migraine days and factor those into my production schedule. The four hour time commitment isn't a problem. It's first thing in the morning when no one I know wants to be awake anyway, and the rest of the day is dedicated to the family and mastery of the mundane. So there's very little resistance on the home front.

Tracking takes place in a shared spreadsheet. A couple of my critique partners and I enter our *supposed to be* daily word counts. This is not my favorite thing on earth. The nanowrimo.org site, has another tracker where you enter in how many total words you have in your WIP. (If like me, you write in different docs depending on scene, you have to keep track of how many words you wrote toward your quota, then add that number to the nanowrimo word count.) The nano site then provides a word count breakdown based on how close you are to 50k words versus how many days are left in the month. I find it satisfying. Maybe because I didn't have to design, program, or maintain it.

As for 2k words per day? My actuals come really darned close. Some days, I get 5k. Some days, I get 1k. On the 1k days, I know I've got a problem in the story line that has to be resolved. That requires an hour or more of notes about the story in the evening - immersion into defining the issue so I can fix it the next morning during work hours. What am I capable of? 8k per day for several days straight - but only at the end of a book and the error quotient will be high. It isn't where I'm comfortable, though. Equate it to training for a marathon. I have to log a bunch of slow days before I can log a couple of fast days. My writer brain needs contemplation time and different brain wave states to ferret out continuity issues, motivational inconsistencies, and such in a story.

I love Jeffe's spreadsheets and graphs. For her. They do exactly what she needs - quantify progress and provide benchmarks. I can't use them. Tracking my work to that extent becomes an impediment to me actually doing the work. Do your job your way. There's nothing wrong with it. Unless you discover your way isn't working for you. And the only way you're going to know and/or change that, my friend, is to start counting and keeping track in a way that makes sense to you.