Procrastination: The One That Wouldn't Go Away

"The One Who/That Got Away"

That's the weekly topic. I'm pretty certain I could blog about specific instances for a good...year or two. 98% of the time the reason that someone or something got away was totally my fault. There's no sweet romantic shifting of blame to the Fates. There's no sinking to my knees in the middle of a rainstorm and shaking my fist at the heavens. Nope, I know the reason those people or opportunities slipped through my fingers.

Procrastination

When I was younger, I developed a list of reasons why I stepped out of the way of Opportunity:

1. I didn't know how to pursue/engage
2. What the hell would I do with it once I had it
3. Someone else deserved it more
4. Something better would certainly be coming next
5. If it was meant to be mine, it would neatly land in my hands

I wielded those reasons like a mighty flail, sending Opportunity flying straight back to the cosmos. By the way, when the flail snaps back, it hurts like a bitch. Once I knocked myself out a few thousand times, I realized I had some very bad habits to break. I've made great strides in overcoming those top five excuses. The one that relentlessly persists? Yep.

Procrastination.

Get the cattle prods. Light a fire. Pee or get off the pot. ...

Oh, dear reader, I find myself in need of more sayings to overcome my worst self-defeating habit. Leave me some of your favorites in the Comments, would you? You know, when you get 'round to it.

How to Have the Happy

First things first - I'm in the newspaper today! The local paper, The Santa Fe New Mexican, asked if they could do a feature on me. I checked my very busy schedule and managed to squeeze in an interview.

I'm kind of stumped by today's topic, on the one that/who got away.

I don't fish and I'm not much for regrets. I'm trying to think of something, or someone, I've lost that I fought to keep. I suppose I'm lucky that way. Blessed even.

I've lost people and beloved pets to Death, that final and inevitable loss. But I know better than to fight it. Those haven't so much gotten away as moved on. I hope to find them again someday.

My heart got broken by one charming boy, dramatically and twice over. At the time, I wept for that loss, but now I know he would have been terrible for me. Things turned out just as they should have.

I think of moments that escaped me. Chances for success I came close to but didn't quite catch hold of. Like the agent who contacted me after a review of my essay collection, wanting to see what I was working on. It wasn't what she wanted and that door closed. But did it really get away from me?

The article I linked to above implies that I walked away from a science career, which isn't entirely accurate. That degree still pays the bills. But I did give up that dream - the rosy hopes for a Nobel Prize and a place in the annals of science. Still, that isn't the trophy fish that slipped the hook. I weighed it, thought about the price I'd pay and cut bait. Amusingly, given the metaphor I'm using today - I've always referred to my quitting the doctoral program as "I cut bait, took my Masters degree and left."

In many ways, this might be a reflection of my trust in the universe, that things happen as they should. If something I wanted fell through my fingers, then I wasn't meant to have it. More, it wouldn't have made me happy to have it.

And having the happy is the most precious thing of all.