Vice Party - The Good, the Bad and the Nearly Useless

I don't get to indulge many vices, more's the pity. When it comes to the buffet of vices, I still sit at the kiddy table. Alcohol, which I used to enjoy (Lemon Drop anyone?) now equals migraine. Chocolate, too. The list of fun things that end badly for me is long and sad. Since I can't consume vices, I spew them instead. And still, they turn in service to writing.

1. Swearing is my vocation. It's a calling, a sacred duty to which I am devoted. Since the public rooms of the bordello strive to appear slightly family friendly, I curb my colorful language. Meet me in a public situation one or two times and you'll have no idea of the vast, simmering cesspool of language underlying my polite facade. Hang around long enough to lull me into a sense of safety, though, and that pool will bubble over. Most of my friends still look surprised when a word or phrase slips out. Many of them giggle, too. Does it help me while I'm writing? Probably. If only to give me the ammunition to complain in grotesque detail about how a story is or isn't coming together.

2. Analyzing. I have a degree in overthinking. It is a hindrance part of the time. The other part of the time, I'm making it work for me. Everything I watch, read or experience gets vivisected - how did the story go together? Did the conflict work? If no, why not? If yes, why? What would make a poor plot work? How could things have been changed. This is all part and parcel of peering beneath the hood to learn how something runs (or doesn't) so I can build my own.

3. Companion to that: I talk too much. No one wants to watch The Walking Dead with me anymore. I usually see within the first several minutes of an episode how it will end, and often, within the first episode or two, I can tell how a season will end. These are the wages of analyzing stories as a mode of living. Sure, sure, I learned long ago to not volunteer the spoilers. I may be slow, but I can be taught. Still, my TWD friends and family keep casting sidelong glances my way during a show. Finally someone will ask if I have it figured out. There's a second of silence when I shrug and nod. One of them will grin and say, "What's your theory?" I blab. Everyone laughs and blows me off. Until the end of the episode/season. How does this help my writing? It's concrete evidence that I've managed to learn valuable lessons about conflict and story arc - not just as an intellectual exercise. They're internalized. Keith likes to talk through movies and TV shows we've watched. Mostly, I think, he likes getting to geek out about a show with me. But tonight, while reading on his Kindle, he turned to me and said, "You know I can't read some of these books now without remembering what you've said about stories. About how there has to be both internal and external conflict that comes from who the characters are before a story really starts to resonate. You turned me into a tea snob over the years and now you're turning me into a story snob. A few scantily clad women and a couple of explosions used to be enough." High praise. I'm going to let this help me stop worrying about whether or not I'm doing it right. I'm just going to write and trust that conflict and plot will take care of itself.

4. The occasional bag of sour cream and onion potato chips because some times, you just need to grind the bones of your demons between your teeth. They taste salty. Like my writer tears. Or the blood of the innocents sacrificed to the gods of word count.

Hot Fudge and Home Made Ice Cream

By Kerry Schafer 

So many chocolate recipes, only one blog. I've spent the week running through recipes in my head, trying to choose which one to post. Most of mine aren't fancy. I went through a phase as a teenager where I spent my weekends making 10 egg cakes. Hey, we had chickens and a surplus of eggs, and it was sort of magical to blend ingredients in just the perfect way and produce some light and fluffy concoction that would melt in my mouth. Cake for breakfast? Yes, please. But I'm a whole lot busier now. Eggs are expensive. And I'm trying not to eat the things that make me grow in the wrong direction. So the recipes that tend to stay with me are my childhood classics. One of these is homemade hot fudge sauce, invariably paired with homemade ice cream. When I think of making ice cream, mind you, I'm not picturing any handy dandy high falutin' electric no mess process. Here's what I remember: A house full of friends on a dark winter Saturday night. My brother taking a feedsack and the axe down to the pond, where he'd break up ice to fill the sack and lug it back up to the house. Hammering it into little chunks of ice, which then filled the hand crank ice cream maker. Tons of rock salt on the ice. Kids spelling each other off turning and turning and turning the hand crank until it got so stiff we could turn it no more. And then. Toasty warm house. Deliciously cold sweet ice cream topped with thick and gooey hot fudge. Yeah. Oh, and then the pleasure of sneaking into the fridge later and eating that fudge by the spoonful. So, without more ado, the recipes. Hot Fudge: 1 1/2 c. canned milk 2 c. sugar 4 oz. unsweetened chocolate 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 c butter 1 tsp vanilla Heat milk and sugar to a rolling boil, stirring constantly. Boil for 1 minute. Add chocolate and salt and stir until melted. Wire whip until smooth, then remove from heat. Add vanilla and butter. Ice Cream 1 can Eagle Brand 1 1/2 pints cream add enough milk to make 5 cups 1 Tbsp vanilla small pinch salt. Mix well. Pour into the compartment of an ice cream maker and freeze. Whatever you eat or don't eat, whatever you celebrate or don't - I wish for everybody warmth and joy over the holidays.

Molten Lava Chocolate Cake

Chocolate is a little like wine. Every year, growing conditions turn out a different crop with different flavors. Some shops, like Boehms in Issaquah, WA offer varietals - chocolate from specific growing regions. All with different nuances of flavor. My favorite, when I could still eat chocolate, was the stuff from Hawaii.

Every year, many of the major cooking magazines (Fine Cooking, Cooks Illustrated, Chocolatier, etc) review chocolates. They rate the best baking chocolate (dark and milk) and the best cocoa powders. The winners vary year to year depending on how the manufacturers blend their product and depending on how the growing conditions affected flavor for the year. Yes. Once upon a time, until chocolate abruptly became a migraine trigger for me a year or two ago, I took cooking with chocolate very, very seriously. I can honestly say that spending the time and trouble to acquire the year's best chocolate makes all the difference in the world when you're looking for an overwhelming chocolate experience.

Since the tragic day I sort of redefined 'death by chocolate' (when that initial migraine hit along with the awareness of what had caused it, I admit to spending an hour wishing I were dead...then the meds kicked in and I got over it), everyone has been very considerate about not asking me to make chocolate goods for them anymore. Except at Christmas. My beloved husband wouldn't dream of asking me to make chocolate when he knows I can't indulge...but he also knows he won't have to, because the rest of my family will. So here it is. The one recipe I cannot escape.

It's a pull out from Food and Wine Magazine.
Molten Lava Chocolate Cake with Chambord Truffle Center
Truffle Center
3/4 heavy cream
8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped (chips are fine, but go with the best quality you can find - it really makes a difference)
2 ounces Chambord

Cakes
2/3 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup Valrohna cocoa powder
8 ounces semisweet baking chocolate, chopped
5 ounces unsalted butter, cut into pieces
3 large eggs
2 egg yolks
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 vanilla bean pulp

Truffle center: Heat heavy cream to a boil and pour over chopped chocolate. Let sit for 2 minutes. Whisk in Chambord until smooth. Pour onto a sheet pan lined with parchment papger. Place in the freezer for 10-15 minutes until set. Once set, portion into twelve 1-ounce portions (about 1 heaping tablespoon). Round into balls, using your hands. Freeze until cakes are ready.

Cakes: Preheat oven to 325. Grease a 12-cup nonstick muffin pan with butter (or cheat like I do and use Baker's Joy - brilliant stuff.) Sift flour and cocoa together and set aside. Melt the chocolate with the butter over a double boiler. Place the eggs, yolks, sugar and vanilla pulp into the bowl of a mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. Beat at medium speed until mixture is slightly frothy. Add the melted chocolate mixture at medium speed and mix until combined. Continue to mix at low speed, adding the sifted ingredients until smooth. Portion into the prepared muffin pan evenly. Bake for 5 mintues. Remove pan from oven and place on truffle into the center of each cake about halfway down. Return pan to oven and bake for 15-17 minutes. Check for doneness in cake, not truffle center. Allow to cool slightly and unmold.

CAUTION: that molten goo in the center will be HOT. These things are rich. We serve them with a dollop of whipped cream on the side.

Also note that this recipe is worth checking chocolate reviews for and then getting the best chocolate you can find. You'll likely have to order Valrohna cocoa powder from an online source in advance, so plan ahead - but the flavor difference is huge. With as much semisweet chocolate as is required for this recipe, you'll be happiest with a super good quality chocolate there, too. Some of the magazines post their reviews online. Happy chocolate!

Minty

by Allison Pang

This is going up a little later than I originally anticipated. Been waiting on a family recipe that hasn't come through yet, so I'm going to have to wing it a little. And by wing it, I mean blatantly find what I'm looking for online and post it here.

But anyway, one of my favorite Christmas treats growing up was Andies Candies. Which I realize is a pretty common after-dinner mint - but we only ever seemed to have them around this time of year. (And for some reason, candy always seemed to taste better in the "special" holiday wrappers.

And there's plenty of things you can make with them, though to be honest, I always just like them in their little simplistic form.

However. Every year, my aunt makes these mint fudge brownie square cookie things...that are basically like eating a giant version of the candy. She gave a us a pan last year and it probably only lasted like 6 hours because I *really* like them.

*ahem*

Lifting this version from the Joy of Baking, in the meantime...

Chocolate Mint Brownies: Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (160 degrees C) and place the rack in the center of the oven. Have ready a 9 x 9 inch (23 x 23 cm) square baking pan that has been lined with aluminum foil across the bottom and up two opposite sides of the pan. Set aside.

Brownies: In a stainless steel (heatproof) bowl placed over a saucepan of simmering water, melt the butter and chocolate. Remove from heat and stir in the sugar and vanilla extract. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well (with a wooden spoon) after each addition. Stir in the flour and salt and beat, with a wooden spoon, until the batter is smooth and glossy and comes away from the sides of the pan (about one minute). Pour the brownie batter evenly into the prepared pan.

Bake in the preheated oven for about 25 minutes or until the brownies start to pull away from the sides of the pan and the edges of the brownies are just beginning to brown. A toothpick inserted in the center of the brownies will come out almost clean. Remove from oven and place on a wire rack to completely cool.

Mint Layer: In the bowl of your electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, beat all the ingredients until smooth. Add a few drops of green food coloring if you want the frosting green. If the frosting is too thick, add a little extra cream. (The frosting should be just thin enough to spread.) Spread the frosting evenly over the cooled brownie layer. Place in the refrigerator for about 5-10 minutes or until firm.

Chocolate Glaze: In a heatproof bowl over a saucepan of simmering water, melt the chocolate and butter. Spread over the mint filling and refrigerate for about 30 minutes or until the chocolate glaze starts to dull.
To Serve: Remove the brownies from the pan by lifting with the ends of the foil and transfer to a cutting board. With a sharp knife, cut into 30 squares. It is a good idea to wipe your knife between cuts with a damp cloth. These brownies can be stored in the refrigerator for several days or else frozen.
Makes about 30 1-inch (2.5 cm) squares.

Brownie Layer: 1/2 cup (113 grams) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
 4 ounces (114 grams) unsweetened chocolate, coarsely chopped
 1 1/4 cups (250 grams) granulated white sugar
 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
 2 large eggs
 1/2 cup (65 grams) all purpose flour
 1/4 teaspoon salt

 Mint Layer: 2 tablespoons (28 grams) unsalted butter, at room temperature
 1 cup (115 grams) confectioners (powdered or icing) sugar, sifted
 1 - 1 1/2 tablespoons heavy cream
 1/2 teaspoon pure peppermint extract or 1-2 tablespoons creme de menthe green food coloring (optional) 

Chocolate Glaze: 3 ounces (90 grams) semisweet chocolate, chopped
 1 tablespoon (14 grams) unsalted butter

And for an alternate version with actual Andies Candies, try this one I found on Glorious Treats.

Cherry Chocolate Chip Cookies

by KAK  

I'm all about tweaking traditional recipes. Sometimes it's intentional, sometimes it's accidental, and sometimes it's a result of staring into my parents' pantry of things that are just ... odd.  (Can of dehydrated egg whites. Why?) Such an adventure as pantry-exploration led to the following modifications to the traditional chocolate chip cookie. I'm expected to make these every time I visit the family.

The Wet:

2 sticks softened/room-temp unsalted butter (unless you like salt-lick baked goods, always use unsalted butter)
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup Splenda Brown Sugar Blend (This adds a nice tang to the cookie. I know it sounds odd, but trust me. If the thought of artificial anything curls your lip, use 3/4 cup brown sugar -- light or dark, up to you.)
2 eggs
1 splash/tablespoon artificial vanilla flavoring or 1 splash/teaspoon real vanilla extract
1 splash/teaspoon rum flavoring or 1 splash/tablespoon vanilla, butter, nut flavoring

Throw butter and sugar in a bowl and mix. I use my stand mixer with the whisk attachment. Beat it low/medium. Add eggs. Beat. Add flavoring. Beat. Remove whisk attachment. Put the paddle attachment on your mixer & standby for adding dry ingredients.

The Dry:

2 1/4 cups whole wheat flour (Yep, whole wheat flour. No, these aren't biscuits. Trust me.)
1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda (the wheat flour needs a little extra help)
1 teaspoon salt

Put all the dry ingredients into a bowl, mix it with a spoon, spork, whatever. Do not skip this mix step, otherwise you end up with a clump of baking soda in one cookie and another cookie that is all salt. I've made the mistake for you. You're welcome.  Now, turn on the stand mixer (with the paddle), set it on low. Slowly add the mix of dry ingredients to the wet. Slowly so you don't blast flower all over the kitchen like the Swedish Chef (yurda, gurda!).

The Delish:

1 cup dark chocolate chips or rough-chopped chunks (best if frozen for an hour or so beforehand to prevent them from turning into syrup)
1 cup dried and pitted cherries (if you have the huge bing cherries, rough chop them first. Again, best if frozen pre-mixing to keep them from clinging to everything except the dough.)

Toss these into the mixing bowl (still with paddle attachment). Mix on low until "folded" into the dough. It's less than 10 secs if you're using an electric mixer, so don't wander away.

Logging (optional):

Bowl of Dough
Saran Wrap
 

Now, the part I despise about cookie baking is the endless "scoop by tablespoon onto cookie sheet." I wanted cookies, not an experience in being chained to the oven. Thus, I take the Saran Wrap and cut a sheet a little longer than the depth of fridge. *Messy Warning:* Stick your washed hands into the bowl of dough and form a tube of dough the diameter of the cookie size you want (bottom of a coffee mug size-ish or the "O" of the "okay" hand-signal). The length of the tube is determined by your cut of Saran Wrap, just make sure to leave an inch of wrap on either end so you don't get cookie-spooge all over your fridge. Slap the tube against one edge of the Saran Wrap, roll it up (refining the shape as you go), twist the ends of the Saran Wrap, and toss that sucker in the fridge (on a solid not slatted shelf!). Refrigerate for an hour or until the dough is hard (or keep in the ice-box for up to five days).

Once the dough is hard, unwrap and slice into 1/2 inch rounds. Place on cookie sheet, leaving space for some cookie expansion during baking. I suggest using parchment paper instead of cooking spray, since both cherries and chocolate like to linger on a naked cookie sheet.

Bake:

Preheat oven to 350. Bake 10 mins (for chewy) 12 mins (for cunchy). Keep in mind you've used wheat flour, so these cookies will come out a tish darker than AP flour cookies.

Happy Holidays from your Tuesday Word-Whore!

Triple-Chocolate Cake with Chocolate-Peppermint Filling

by Jeffe Kennedy

Today feels like a bit of a slam-dunk topic, but hey - I just work here. If the topic says "chocolate - recipes, faves and more," then that is what I shall deliver.

This is Triple-Chocolate Cake with Chocolate-Peppermint Filling, which I discovered in an actual Bon Appetit magazine ten years ago now. I say "actual" as opposed to the virtual version I just looked up online here.

Ever since, I've made this most every year for some Christmas event or another. My recipe is written out on a tattered and stained index card, but you can print a pretty version from the Bon Appetit site. Or here's my tweaked version below.

As with most cooking, the quality of the ingredients you choose is what makes the difference between fab and eh.

Ingredients

Filling

• 8 ounces milk chocolate, finely chopped (milk chocolate is, by my definition already sullied, so I think you can get away with a Ghirardelli-level chocolate here)
• 1/2 cup whipping cream
• 1 tablespoon light corn syrup (it's worth it to get the good kind)
• 1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract (be sure to get actual extract, not flavoring. ALL the difference in the world)

Cake

• 1 cup sifted all purpose flour (I never sift flour any more. "They" say we don't really have to. I don't know why all the recipes still say it.)
  
• 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (I think it's worth it to get a good kind here, too. The Mexican unsweeteend cocoas are particular strong and wonderful)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon baking powder (I use the pure kind, without aluminum)
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature (Don't you dare use margarine. I use organic and no, you can't substitute salted butter. If you do, don't add the 1/2 teaspoon salt, but the balance will still be a little off.)
• 1 cup sugar
• 1/3 cup (packed) dark brown sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract (again - it's SO worth it to use real vanilla extract, not flavoring)
• 3 large eggs (warm to room temperature)
• 1/2 cup buttermilk (also bring to room temperature)
  
• 1 1/2 cups miniature semisweet chocolate chips (If you can't find the mini cc's, which I can't a lot of the time, you just buy a candy bar and chop it up. It's worth it to get a good imported chocolate here.)

Chocolate Glaze

• 8 ounces bittersweet (not unsweetened) or semisweet chocolate, finely chopped (I can't always find bittersweet either, so I've used dark chocolate candy bars with very high cocoa content - look for 80% or more and I think you'll be very pleased with the flavor.)
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
• 1 tablespoon light corn syrup
• 3/4 teaspoon peppermint extract

• Red-and-white-striped hard peppermint candies, chopped
• Fresh mint leaves

Preparation

Filling

• Place chocolate in medium bowl. Bring cream and corn syrup to simmer in small saucepan. Pour hot mixture over chocolate; add extract and let stand 1 minute. Whisk until mixture is smooth. Let filling stand at room temperature while cake is baking and cooling.

Cake

• Position rack in lowest third of oven and preheat to 350°F. Butter 9-inch-diameter cake pan with 2-inch-high sides. (I have one of those cake pans with the rounded bottom and I like to use that because it makes a pretty dome-shaped cake.) Line bottom with parchment paper. Butter parchment. Dust pan with flour. Whisk first 5 ingredients in medium bowl to blend. Using electric mixer, beat butter in large bowl until light and fluffy. (This is really important - fluffier is better.) Gradually beat in both sugars, then vanilla. Add eggs 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in dry ingredients alternately with buttermilk in 2 additions each. Mix in chocolate chips.
• Transfer batter to prepared pan. Bake cake until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 1 hour 5 minutes. Cool cake in pan on rack 5 minutes. Turn out cake onto rack. Peel off parchment. Cool completely. (And they do mean COMPLETELY.)
  
• Using electric mixer, beat filling until fluffy and lightened in color, about 30 seconds. (You'll be amazed how it transforms.) Using serrated knife, cut cake horizontally in half. (This is why it has to be completely cool - or it can fall apart here.) Place 1 layer, cut side up, on rack set over baking sheet. Spread filling over. Top with second layer, cut side down. Chill filled cake 20 minutes. (Or overnight. Really you just want it to set up nicely.)
  

Prepare glaze

• Stir chocolate, butter, and corn syrup in heavy small saucepan over low heat (I use a double boiler - safer) until melted and smooth. Mix in extract. Cool glaze until just lukewarm but still pourable, stirring occasionally, about 20 minutes. (You have a wider window here than they make it sound, so don't obsess.)
  
• Pour 1/2 cup glaze over center of cake. Spread over top and sides of cake. Chill until glaze sets, about 15 minutes. Pour remaining glaze over center of cake, then spread quickly over top and sides. Chill until glaze sets, about 1 hour. Sprinkle candies around top edge of cake. Cover with cake dome; chill. Before eating, let stand at room temperature until softened, about 4 hours.
• Garnish with fresh mint leaves. (I never do this - I always forget, it seems.)

  

Here's my version!