We Interrupt Our Programming

I'd had a faintly humorous (I'd hoped) and whiny post planned about euphemisms. Then I got up this morning to devastation in Japan and a Tsunami Advisory posted for our area. DH and I debated the wisdom of rushing down to the boat to double check lines and disconnect shore power. But really. How wise would it have been to rush down to the water as if either of us could prevent whatever wave surge Ma Nature sent our way? So we'll wait. 12 hours. We'll go to the boat tomorrow and deal with whatever clean up is necessary. If we're lucky, it'll be a complete non-event. I'd like that. I'd have liked that for the people of Japan. If you have the means, consider donating a few dollars to the relief charity of your choice.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming:

So here it is. The actual topic. Euphemisms. . . Yeah. I got nothing. Every single euphemism listed this week has been an education. I'm in my forties. This can't be right. Where the hell have I been all my life? It's not like I was reared in a convent or anything. Heck. Maybe I'd know some of this stuff if I had been. Sure, I know a few common things: Kibbles and Bits, Silk Purse, Pocket Snake - you know. The silly, junior high stuff. Apparently, collecting and reading comic books throughout one's youth and young adulthood doesn't adequately charge one's vocabulary.

I'd wanted to say I don't use euphemisms when I write a sex scene, but in fact, I do. But here's the interesting piece - at least to me - I equate the anatomy with the person. "She tested the silky texture of his skin." You know exactly what skin and where. Don't know why I do this. Maybe it was a Dr. Ruth lecture where it was made clear that especially for men, sexual anatomy is equated with the individual. Guys really do equate their penises with themselves. (The point of that lecture was a woman who did not want to perform oral sex, much less swallow, was told that when she rejected that part of her man, she was rejecting him in total as far as he was concerned. No. Don't recall how that whole thing turned out - it was about the psychology for me.)

Maybe that's the problem. Sex is sex. Given the limited number of natural orifices in the human body, there are only so many permutations of how things happen. Yeah, yeah. Kink, freak and furry - window dressing. Ya still gotta insert tab A into one of three slots if female, or one of two lots if male in order for the possessor of tab A to make it to Happy Land. Fun? Possibly. Interesting? No. Not really.  The interesting part is the psychology surrounding the approach to sex (and then the psychology after sex) that's fascinating.

And let's be frank. You don't have to come up with a whole slew of euphemisms for Clown Shoe Crazy. Still. UrbanDictionary.com Maybe I'll spend a little more time reading...