Um. Sexy bits and sexy descriptions are not my forte. I tend to stick with pretty straightforward description. And I do struggle with it, some days. There are only so many ways to describe the male and female anatomy.
Maybe.
But, for your amusement, I've picked up a list of interesting euphemisms from a Dictionary of Slang (British edition, because the Word Whores are classy like that). I was previously unaware of these euphemisms until I spent a good half-hour paging through the site. Being a dumb American, I hope that I cause no inadvertent offense by passing these odd-sounding euphemisms on to an unsuspecting audience.
get one's kit off Vrb phrs. To take one's clothes off, usually heard as a sexually motivated request and has nothing to do with sportswear. E.g."Cor, I wouldn't mind getting her kit off...."
growler Noun. 1. Vagina. From the rhyming slang growl and grunt meaning...
2. A meat pie. [Lancs use]
wizard's sleeve Noun. A large or spacious vagina.
milkers Noun. Women's breasts.
threepenny bits Noun. Women's breasts. Rhyming slang on 'tits'. Also thrupenny bits. Cf. 'thrups'.
widgy Noun. Affectionate term for the penis.
tallywhacker Noun. Penis.
German helmet Noun. The head of the penis, from its physical shape being vaguely similar to that of a German soldier's headwear.
womb broom Noun. The penis.
welly-top Noun. Descriptive of a large vagina. Supposedly having the roominess and appearance of the top of a wellington boot. E.g."Thomas was horrified to hear she had a vagina like a welly-top."
trap off Verb. To attain a liason with a sexually desirable person. Also just phrased as trap.
toothing Noun. Sex between strangers, after having been arranged via the mobile phone (cell phone) using Bluetooth technology.
Lady lumps Noun. Women's breasts.
like a dead heat in a zeppelin race Phrs. Of a woman, having large breasts. Cf. 'zeppelins'.
friar tuck Noun. 1. Sexual intercourse...
dirty pillows Noun. Women's breasts.
shrimp Verb. To lick, suck and kiss the toes for sexual gratification. E.g."I dont know how people can be into shrimping, imagine how smelly people's feet get."
snurge Noun. A person who smells bicycle seats for sexual pleasure.
Romantic stuff, huh? My husband has promised me twenty bucks if I can work any of those words into my next book and get it past the editorial process.
Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
