Monday, March 7, 2011

Euphemisms for Naughty Bits...British Edition

by Laura Bickle

Um. Sexy bits and sexy descriptions are not my forte. I tend to stick with pretty straightforward description. And I do struggle with it, some days. There are only so many ways to describe the male and female anatomy.


But, for your amusement, I've picked up a list of interesting euphemisms from a Dictionary of Slang (British edition, because the Word Whores are classy like that). I was previously unaware of these euphemisms until I spent a good half-hour paging through the site. Being a dumb American, I hope that I cause no inadvertent offense by passing these odd-sounding euphemisms on to an unsuspecting audience.

get one's kit off  Vrb phrs. To take one's clothes off, usually heard as a sexually motivated request and has nothing to do with sportswear. E.g."Cor, I wouldn't mind getting her kit off...."

growler Noun. 1. Vagina. From the rhyming slang growl and grunt meaning...
2. A meat pie. [Lancs use]

wizard's sleeve  Noun. A large or spacious vagina.

milkers  Noun. Women's breasts.

threepenny bits  Noun. Women's breasts. Rhyming slang on 'tits'. Also thrupenny bits. Cf. 'thrups'.

widgy  Noun. Affectionate term for the penis.

tallywhacker Noun. Penis.

German helmet  Noun. The head of the penis, from its physical shape being vaguely similar to that of a German soldier's headwear.

womb broom Noun. The penis.

welly-top Noun. Descriptive of a large vagina. Supposedly having the roominess and appearance of the top of a wellington boot. E.g."Thomas was horrified to hear she had a vagina like a welly-top."

trap off Verb. To attain a liason with a sexually desirable person. Also just phrased as trap.

toothing Noun. Sex between strangers, after having been arranged via the mobile phone (cell phone) using Bluetooth technology.

Lady lumps Noun. Women's breasts.

like a dead heat in a zeppelin race Phrs. Of a woman, having large breasts. Cf. 'zeppelins'.

friar tuck  Noun. 1. Sexual intercourse...

dirty pillows  Noun. Women's breasts.

shrimp  Verb. To lick, suck and kiss the toes for sexual gratification. E.g."I dont know how people can be into shrimping, imagine how smelly people's feet get."

snurge  Noun. A person who smells bicycle seats for sexual pleasure.

Romantic stuff, huh? My husband has promised me twenty bucks if I can work any of those words into my next book and get it past the editorial process.

Image: Salvatore Vuono /


  1. Good grief - it's not even noon. LOL That made my morning. :)


  2. Oh, my gosh -- I can't believe there's a special term for someone who sniffs bicycle seats!

    These are hilarious. Thanks for sharing them! :)

  3. ROFL... Widgy? Growler? I love it. Thanks for the morning giggle. I'd love to see you win that bet.

  4. You can totally pull it off. Wouldn't the creepy ex be a fine snurge?

  5. "Wizard's Sleeve" made me spit coffee all over my monitor.

    "Womb Broom" Stateside refers to a goatee and the "Thigh Tickler" are the sides of the beard/mutton chops -- the two best justifications for a guy sporting facial hair. Now, imagine:

    American dude looks at his Brit-bud and says, "I gotz to get the Womb Broom trimmed."

    Brit-Bud clutches his widgy and backs away slowly.

  6. *snort*
    I agree with Jeffe, you should be able to slip the snurge into a story.

  7. @Michelle - Sorry! I was really stuck on the topic of the week. :-)

    @Linda G. - Glad you enjoyed.

    @B.E. - Maybe we could use this as a way to make sure our editors are awake? Sneak a questionable term in and see what happens...

    @Jeffe - Yes...a fine snurge!

    @KAK...I had NO IDEA. OMG. You must include that misunderstanding in a story.

    @Sullivan, maybe there could be a snurge as a subplot. Some dude who's stealing women's bicycles...

  8. I'm cracking up! I had a British friend who said he used to laugh at an American co-worker who was at the playground with his daughter. The daughter was on a see-saw and the American said, "You're gonna bang your fanny!" Except the British fanny refers to a woman's vagina and American's use it as a name or for the backside. Yeah...takes on a whole new meaning if you look at it from a Brit's POV, lol

  9. This reminds me so much of a Monty Python's "Penis Song (Not the Noel Coward Song)." It manages to work in a dozen euphemisms for penis in under one minute.

  10. danicaavet, I had heard that fanny means something entirely different across the pond...lmao!

    David, I do remember the Penis Song! Husband is a huuuuge Monty Python fan. Fortunately, that is not one he has memorized. :-P

  11. You can definitely use "growler". There's an Irish bar in Indiana that advertises their growler specials. I think it refers to a drink size.