There is No Spoon

by Allison Pang

Several years ago, before I was published, I attended my first RT conference (think about 2009). I'd just finished the draft of A Brush of Darkness, and I was heading off to learn everything I could.

And I remember distinctly talking to the woman at the ticketing counter and she asked where I was going. I told her I was going to a writer's conference and she got that look in her eye and said those famous words "I'd like to write a book someday. I will, if I ever get the time."

And I'm sure most of us have heard variations of that particular line. (Or my other favorite - "Where do you find the time?")

The thing is I don't really know. The easy answer is that if you really want to do something, you will find the time to do it, regardless of how busy you think you are.

But it's a balancing act. The time I probably should be cleaning my house? I'm writing instead. The endless hours of gaming that I used to do? Gone.  You're expecting me to cook? *cackles*

I have to "make" time where I can, and that means sacrifices.

But here's the thing. I'm notoriously bad at keeping schedules. I'm perpetually in disarray. I also never say no to anything (and that is something I really need to learn to do. Someday.)

I've tried marking out the blocks of time thing. I've tried keeping a priority list. In the past that might have worked a little.

 But to be honest, schedules and planning don't mean much for me right now. Chronic pain and fatigue being what they are, I can have the best of intentions as to what I should do and when I should do it  - and then I get there and I realize I don't have any more spoons. That or one of the kids gets sick. It's like a freaking guarantee that if I have 3 hours of time to myself Friday night, someone will come downstairs at 10:15 with a fever. It's almost like if I plan my time out, I'm giving the karma gods a change to fuck with me. If I don't know what I'm doing, they don't know what I'm doing and I can get the jump on them.

So, the best I can really manage is a calendar with due dates and then attempt to meet those deadlines however I can manage. There's a lot less guilt for me that way - this past summer has been a string of productivity failures, simply because I can't fight my body anymore.

That being said - I'll be getting surgery at the end of the month that will put me out of commission for 4 to 6 weeks, so I'm looking for guest bloggers for some of those dates. (I've contacted a few people already, but I will need a some more, so if you're interested, please let me know!)