I Ain't Been Droppin' No Eaves, Sir!

Ah, dear Samwise Gamgee, I always think of him (and Tolkien) whenever someone mentions eavesdropping.  Last week I wrote about accents, slang, and stereotypes. This week, through the magic dropping some eaves, I've examples from the annals of "Oh my god, did you hear that?"

• "Can I get me some Tabascee and May-o-naise? This fish ain't got no taste." 
• Shouted by the immaculately dressed silver-haired lady dining behind me at a foo-foo resort in the Schwartzwald.
• "Ma'man, Ma'man, look, zebras."
• The toddler boy doing the belly-crawl beneath the occupied stalls in the ladies' room at the movie theater.
• "Psht, playa', please. God gave me this ass to balance out my air bags."
• Retort to a pick-up line at the ice-cream shop.
• "Only an ijit welds a door shut. You dw'ian' to leave your ass in the crack you tried to slide through a goddamn window."
•  Gear-heads inspecting yet another '69 Charger painted to look like the General Lee.
• "TTI!"
• Three letters, eight syllables as hissed by a southern Ma'ma to her teenage daughter at the mall. (For those of you not raised by a Belle, "TTI" = "Tuck Your Tail In" aka "Stop walking like a whore.")

There you have my examples of accents, slang, and stereotypes as overheard in my everyday life. What fragments or phrases have you overheard, dear reader, that perfectly paint an image of the speaker?