Deadline Chore Charts

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

This week we are talking about how crunch time impacts home life, and more precisely, who does what when the contract date is looming like the shadow of a religious fanatic at your front door come to talk you into sharing their vision.

Of course we are all good little writers who work hard and are ready before the due date, ha ha ha ha, jolly good, and this topic is just so...quaint.

Right?

This is me, when the end of my tinkering with the novel is fast approaching. I want to be in control a little longer, to make it all so perfect. I'm not going to give it up without one more pass, without one more chance to drive myself crazy over stupid little details--things that the editor and copy editor--will surely catch, but which I nonetheless feel utterly responsible for because, as you know, I want to turn in a perfect manuscript, so I can feel good and so the aforementioned professionals won't have to do much and will like me because I made it easy for them.

Yeah. That isn't going to happen. Because no matter how awesome an author a person wants to be, editors have jobs because they make books better.

So, when I'm stressing, trying to rise to that unattainable level even though I realize it is unattainable, how do chores and things still get done at home?

Well, I'm lucky in that regard. I have minions. I didn't always, mind you. I tried getting a few of these:

Pixar won't share the adorable little pill-shaped, cute voiced minions in blue bib-over-alls.

So I tried these:

...but alas, the seamonkeys don't do dishes. I had to flush them. I mean, I had to let them go.

I tried this pair:

Who can resist Pain and Panic?

I can.

So I resorted to a fail-proof option. These two:

Yeah. That whole, "I brought you into this world, I can take you out," line fell rather flat as far as being a motivational mantra. However, for the small price of a chai latte (the older boy) and a bowl of Turkey Hill's Double Dunkers Ice Cream (the younger boy), all items on a chore list can be eliminated.

And I'm not above bribery when I'm on deadline.