You know what surprised me about being an author? Well, a
lot of things. The main thing is that I always thought, if you just write
really, really well, you don’t have to think about anything else.
Like things would magically happen for you. Like in Disney
movies where fairies fly around you and weave you a gown out of magic and a
take you to a ball. Yes, I once thought that if only I could write really
really well, a kind of Cinderella thing would happen for me.
I’m still working on the part about writing really, really
well, but I can see that the Cinderella thing won’t be happening even if I did
get so be this stunningly brilliant writer. There are so many other things you
have to do well as an author. You have to make your own damn gown!
Skills I never thought I’d need as an author but apparently
do:
1. Knowing the future.
Every time I contemplate signing a contract I’m petrified
with fear, like OMG will I regret this? What is the future of publishing? Where
is my crystal ball? What eggs do I put in what basket?
2. Photoshop and layout programs.
I remember how annoyed the graphic designer at the old ad
agency I used to work at was for me wanting to learn design skills. I wanted to
know so I could mock up my own ads to get my ideas across. These days, every
time I update my website or tweak a book cover, I just thank her for teaching
me those things, and wonder how other authors who don’t have money to pay
designers even survive.
3. Extemporaneous speaking.
I am the worst off the cuff speaker on the planet, yet as an
author, who knew I’d need those skills at conferences! I fake my way through by
over preparing.
4. People skills.
Hey, author gods, we authors were never supposed to have
people skills! I so suck at the public thing, forgetting peoples names, getting
flustered and acting weird and scaring people with my smile of frightened
intensity because I am overly self-aware.
5. Smart, bold, clever opinions on recent events.
Okay, this isn't a need, more a want. I so envy writers who have it together on twitter and have
smart, bold opinions on things. It takes me a long time to form an opinion on
lots to things, and then I’m never really sure. I mean, the biggies, politics,
women’s issues, animal rights, I know where I stand. But, I really have to
ponder all the minor issues that flow around.
6. Financial and accounting skills.
How are these self pubbers doing all these charts and graphs
and spreadsheets? Amazon and these places send me spreadsheets, and it’s so
hard for me to understand them, no less make my own.
Other things that surprised me:
No matter how much author experience you rack up, you can
still write a terrible, self-indulgent chapter or two and think it’s good.
Thank goodness for critique partners who push back and tell you NO! I thought I
was beyond that by now, with a passel of books out and all, but noooo.
The generosity of other authors.
This is one of the greatest, unexpected gifts, how other
authors have reached out and helped me, and something I never expected.
The generosity of readers and bloggers.
For all my complaining of no people skills, readers and
bloggers have still been so warm and kind in person—and online, too! I think actually most of us aren’t
amazingly people-skilled, so we all work well together. We love books! Anyway,
I never imagined in my wildest dreams that being an author would lead to
meeting so many people I really enjoy.
