Saturday, June 9, 2012

Sometimes B movies really ARE horrible!

What's not to love about a really trashy, terrible B-movie? A movie so freaky and weird and horrible and shockingly wtf that's it's funny?

I'll tell you what's not to love: when it actually IS horrible. When it IS shockingly wtf.

I'm talking about Caligula.

My husband and I, for our very second date back when we were both in our 20's, decided to rent movies. Whatever got into our heads to watch Caligula, I have no idea.  Well, I suppose it looks sort of promisingly horrible from this trailer.

But it's not so horrible it's funny. It's so horrible, it's horrible.

I have spent a little time looking for clips that got any of the idea of the movie across but that weren't totally disturbing. But, I won't be putting any up, that's how horrible these clips are! I don't want to besmirch this blog.

If you must investigate, I give you this incestuous scene / marriage proposal of Caligula to his sister. And only watch this killing machine part if you want to see, well, horrible cruelty, but not, NOT, I repeat, the good kind. There are horrible orgy scenes, too. I recall one bike and feathers apparatus sex toy that was not only weird, but totally wouldn't have worked. Also I might add, this was my future husband and my second date. We had not yet had sex, so wtf were we thinking? Like, instead of something fun and romantic, we go for the sex and violence creepfest. Because honestly, we're not the type of people who even ever watch horror films. We're both very bookish and don't like scary films.

Here, Caligula declares himself a god. You would think that scene might be somewhat entertaining, but it ends sort of yuckily. Seriously, all this sounds like it would be good in a way, but it just isn't!! You have been warned.

I understand many of the actors quit partway through when they realized how bad it was. Seriously, this post might make it sound good-horrible, but it's totally not good in that way. Some B movies really do suck.

We didn't watch this movie all the way through, needless to say. And, luckily we had another movie we rented. The name of that movie? Death in Venice, about a man slowly dying of cholera. LOL.

It's kind of amazing we had a successful second date in spite of this, and went on to a third date and beyond. I'm happy to report we have gotten a lot better at picking movies since then.


  1. Wow. Blast from the past. I remember watching that in the early 80's with a RENTED VCR. LOL! My favorite B movie is 'Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter'. It has vampires, mohawked priests, lesbians, Mexican wrestlers and mad scientists. Did I mention it's a musical? It's entertaining on multiple levels because after you watch, you can enjoy the reactions of friends when you inflict it on them.

  2. Wow, with those movie choices, you must have really been destined to be together! :)

    I have never seen Caligula. And now...I never shall. Blech. We love B movies, except the ones that no one, not even a B movie mother could love. It's about a 50/50 shot these days. But the ones that are so bad they are good (Swampshark is my favorite), ah...perfection :)

  3. Haha yes, the rented VCRs. Oh, your B-movie sounds fabulous! A MUSICAL?? lol. That is great.

  4. Sommer: ooh, Swampshark. That has a very promising b-movie name!

  5. Hubs and I watched Caligula, too, and it totally freaked us out. Neither of us squicks on sexual stuff either, but this was SO icky...

  6. My best friend back in the early '90s made me watch Caligula with him because, in his words, 'you have to see the dwarf sex'. I made him bring the booze. Lots and lots of liquor is the only way to make that movie even kinda palatable.

  7. What was it about the late 70s/ early 80s that caused Hollywood to turn out some of the worst flicks with some of the best actors? McDowell, Mirren, Gielgud, O'Toole... Caligula shoulda' been a contenda'!

  8. I know I rented Caligula in college...but I don't remember much of it. I suspect I blocked it out. >_<

  9. Jeffe: Who knew!

    BE: I forgot about that part. lol, yes, lots of booze. Possibly even unconciousness!

    KAK Yes, totally right! I'd forgotten Mirren was even in it.

  10. I tried to watch that movie a few years ago. I didn't make it through that movie either. Like Allison, I don't remember much of what I did see...A fortunate side to some memory issues I have. :D