Fie on the "politically correct" or "socially acceptable" names for "Significant Others." I don't care what strangers call a couple. I want to know what they call each other.
Guys, I love pet names. The more dichotomous to the speaker or the intended, the better. Wha? Don't look at me like that. You know those types of names. Hearing them makes you do a double-take. Not the offensive ones (anybody can be an asshat), but the ones that are unexpected. Here are my top five:
- Cuddlemuffin -- as spoken by a man utterly devoid of outward emotion
- Swivels -- the moniker for a no-neck burly manly-man with a habit of wiggling on a bar stool like a five year old
- Russell -- as in Jack Russell Terrier, the yappy dog -- a name bequeathed by a woman who raised Irish Wolfhounds to her husband who made Barry White sound like a tenor
- Giggles -- Stone-Face would have been apropos, but each time this Wagnerian woman heard her beloved call that name, she, in fact, giggled
- Pants -- We all knew she wore the pants in the relationship, we just didn't expect him to turn our opinion into their intimate joke