by Linda Robertson
Visiting other time periods, as in the Magic Treehouse books by Mary Pope Osborne (many of which I’ve read aloud to my boys when they were younger) would be stupendous. Climb up a rope ladder into a treehouse/library, pick a book and open it to a cool picture and basically say you wanna go there and, after spinning a bit, you find everything goes still, absolutely still, and you’re right there where the picture shows. Add in a bit of Merlin’s magic and you have total coolness.
But let’s be practical. Couldn’t I just go back with a printout for myself that reads:
In 10th and 11th grade in general, don’t take anybody’s shit. In three years it won’t matter if any of those assholes liked you or not anyway.
During the summer of your senior year, don’t let your folks talk you out of being in the band. You’ll always regret it.
After graduating, do NOT marry that loser. He’s a total cheat.
In 1995, so-and-so #1 is going to tell you lies. Do NOT believe them.
About ten years later, , so-and-so #2 may have been your friend for many years, but she’s got a knife to put in your back. Better to beat her to the punch. I happen to have this wicked little suggestion…..
Later this same year, you’re going to be tempted to go out with so-and-so #3 . Don’t waste your time. He’s gonna dump you for a chick who’s not as reckless fun-loving.
When a fuse in your truck goes out, you won’t know be able to see that your check engine light is on and you will burn up your engine. Don’t worry, you make it home just fine. Instead of buying a new car, replace the engine. That truck does DOUGHNUTS. It might be the last vehicle you own that does, so hold onto it.
And here are the lottery numbers for megamillions the weekend you turn twenty-six.
Right? Isn’t it the REAL point of having a time machine so you can go back and fix all the things you screwed up so you can feel confident and be successful in life?
