Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Gist of It

by KAK

I can’t remember crap … or even important stuff. When I announced to the world I wanted to be a writer the world responded with, “which authors do you like?”


You know the story about the guy and the girl and the dragon that ate shoes? Yeah, that author. It’s not that I don’t care who wrote the story, that I didn’t bother to look. I did. Fifteen minutes into the book I could have told you the author.  By the last page the protags are sharing breakfast in bed and my brain is wondering whether canolies are made with ricotta or mascarpone. I go into the kitchen to look up the answer in a cookbook. By the time my book is in hand I’ve forgotten the question. Why? ‘Cause I’ve passed by my pile of shoes at the door and now my brain is wondering if I washed the dress that goes with the yellow pair because I have a luncheon.  Wait. When was that luncheon again? I better go check the calendar…

Guess how the story ends.

KAK, you need to slow down, you need to focus, you need to make lists. Blah-ba-blah, blah, blah, blah.  

That’s not it.

My brain turns everything into ultra-cliff notes. It is a compactor of data. It is the CEO summary of progress reports. It retains finite information of an event that cannot be retrieved on a whim – and most especially not when somebody asks me to retrieve it. That earns the interrogator a vacant stare and possibly a bit of drool.  

I can tell you the gist.

Jayne Eyre? Frightened young girl with her hair plastered to the sides of her head and pulled back into a bun. Cruel handsome dude controls her life. Nutter in the attic. Big fuckin' fire. Don’t ask me who wrote it. Don’t ask me anybody else’s name.

I Remember Mama? Immigrant story. Swedes. Better have some uppers on hand when you’re done reading.

First Book in the Dark Hunters Series? Dude trapped in a book. He’s not a Dark-Hunter. His girl likes to drink.

Poison Study? Butterflies. Spies. Shims. Not really poison. 

I could go on…mostly because you haven’t asked me to. But I’ll spare you. ‘Cause I need to see if the paint in the kitchen is the same color as that Demons-versus-Trolls cover on that book by whatshername.


  1. Laughing and laughing! I think you should totally have KAK book reviews, possibly on Twitter. No ratings, just a quick summary.

  2. LOL...I especially LOVE the Jane Eyre summary. LMAO!

  3. You need external memory storage! My owner's OtherHalf is the same as you, but he just uses my owner as his external memory.

  4. Sullivan - maybe you and your owner could find a nice, kinky European boy for KAK to be her external memory?

  5. It's nice to know it's not just ME!!!

  6. This post is hilarious. I have these moments of only recalling the gist. Unfortunately, they are random, and I never know when they will strike. This leads people to think I've suddenly suffered an aneurism or something.

    Love the idea of KAK book reviews. That would be awesome.

  7. Thanks, all! You know how I live to make you smile.

    Sullivan, external memory, eh? Love the idea. I'm trying very hard not to make USB port wisecracks right now...especially if the connector's kinda of kinky.

  8. Hmmm. I think you need to create a separate site, just for these sorts of reviews. You'd get a massive following, for sure. :)

  9. @Jeffe & KAK:
    If we meet a nice, kinky guy we'll ask him if he wants to apply for a job as USB-stick ;-)

  10. Allison, ya know, I don't post much of anything on my personal blog, mebbe I'll re-purpose that... ~rubs chin~

    Sullivan, I just shot glazed doughnut out my nose. Thank you. The world now smells refreshingly sweet.

  11. Kak imagine if you were blonde like me you would never recall a thing.

  12. Bwwahahaha. Niiice, Caroline!

    Though, once upon a bleach-bottle I could have gotten away with that.