In the face of great adversity,
a hero will display uncommon courage and the will for self-sacrifice.
Behold my hero:
Wha? Every woman knows courage is required to rock summer attire. After spending winter in gluttonous hibernation, something is definitely going to be sacrificed. Hopefully, it'll be limited to my personal comfort and that second helping of Black Forest cake (with extra Kirsh, naturally).
Girdles -- Keeping the Junk Stuffed in the Trunk
As a teen, I scoffed and sneered at the reinforced mummy wrappings. Underwear was matching soft cotton panties and bras -- the sort of pairings that stood up to locker-room scrutiny. As a twenty-something, the only restrictions I believed in were control-top hose and their power to defeat elephant ankles. As a thirty-something, I embrace block-and-tackle kink-free bondage gear. Far beyond corsets and control panties, I continuously test the durability of thigh molders, high-waisted muffin eliminators, bat-wing busters, back-fat smoothers, and under-bust support shelves.
Shapewear -- Fighting Gravity One Cellulite-Riddled Appendage at a Time
I'd like to take a moment and thank my undergarments for regularly having the wherewithal to contain all of my gloriousness. But lo, should there ever be a blow-out... shield your eyes. The defeat of these unsung heroes will scar everyone within the blast zone.
Now, if you'll excuse me, a lovely canary halter dress is calling my name. First, I need to wrestle my way into a full-body deprivation suit.