Monday, January 3, 2011

Why am I a Word Whore?

by Laura Bickle



To whore or not to whore...that is the question.

Deciding to whore words is tough stuff. Before whoring for money, I whored words for love. I wrote what pleased me, in a vacuum...or shared what I wrote with like-minded friends. It was safe. Comfy. I wrote when I felt like it, not on any fixed schedule. I had no deadlines. No one really said that what I wrote sucked. And I went on like that for many years, wrapped in my safe cocoon of words.

Stepping out of that sphere into professional whoring is scary.

First, there's rejection. And rejection is inevitable. I sent out queries for short fiction, first. I stood out on the street corner and whistled. The first half-dozen or so rejections really stung. The cars drove right by. But, then...someone slowed the car. And it happened again. And again.

I began to calculate ratios, anticipated that the first two queries I sent would be rejects, but the third would be acceptances. I began to nurse a flicker of hope.

Then, I began to query for novel-length manuscripts. This was harder emotionally, because I'd put so much of myself in a book. I got a couple of rejections for different projects...and then, an acceptance. A shiny car stopped and I hopped in.

I was agreeable, excited. My first big job. I made all the changes that were requested of me without quibbling. I happily made my deadlines. I whored out for promo, eagerly awaiting the publication date when my book would be in my hands.

And then I realized that I wasn't in my safe cocoon any longer. My whoring was now up for all to see. Many people liked it, and my heart soared. Some didn't, and it took me awhile to really internalize the saying: "Not every book is for every reader." It's immensely difficult to spill one's guts on a table for the general public. It's like being naked in front of a big group of strangers. Some will be curious and give you a smile. Others will instantly adore the flesh you've put on display. One out of a hundred will point at your ass and say it's too big. That's just people.

I learned not to take things personally. Initially, it was difficult, but I came to realize that if I was to treat this like a business, if I was to become a professional whore, my duty was to continue to whore and get paid.

Word whoring isn't the end-all and be-all. I still work a day job. I'm still new at this. I've been published for less than nine months, so I'm learning the ropes. I'm figuring out the ins and outs of contracts and what works for my own style, who my target audience is. I'm determining which street corners are mine and dreaming of the day when I become one of those high-class escorts who has the phone ringing off the hook.

Whoring can be tough. And there are days that I wonder why I do it, when I feel unloved. But the reason I do it is for the money...and a bit for the love. Every once in awhile, a customer takes the time to write me and tells me how powerfully my book affected her. I print out every one of those e-mails and keep them in a file, to remind me how far I've come and how far I have to go to learn my trade.

Image: graur codrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

15 comments:

  1. Lovely description, Laura, of the vulnerability of turning from writing as a solitary love to face the public scrutiny that comes with the pay.

    I love that you keep the positive personalized notes about how your books have impacted someone.

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  2. I love this analogy. Sometimes it does feel an awful lot like standing on the street corner, calling out "Hey Sailor - want a date?" I see you in that high-class penthouse very soon.

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  3. Great post, Laura! Very important topic for any would-be author--rejection is, unfortunately, a big part of the game and you have to learn to let it roll off your back, take the constructive criticism you can, and keep plugging away.

    I had a journalism professor who once gave me a good tip on rejection: "Keep all your rejection letters. When the signatures start being real you know you're getting there!" :-p

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  4. *takes notes*

    Think I'm going to need some of this advice in a few weeks. ;-)

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  5. @KAK...the personal notes file is helpful to me. You're right - writing is a very solitary act, and sometimes I forget that what I've done affects people. It's a really wonderful feeling. It's like what I wrote...matters?

    @Jeffe: Thanks! It is very much like standing on the corner. It's scary. But all of us on the corner want to become Julia Roberts in some way.

    Thanks for stopping by, Danielle! I agree...learning from rejection is tough. There's an initial knee-jerk reaction, and then the desire to hide in a hole. But I think I'm learning to get better about it, to learn and not dwell, if that makes any sense?

    @Allison...you and I have talked about this. ;-) You're gonna do awesomely. Keep your chin up, stay strong, and hike up your skirt a little more (as the Dave Matthews Band says).

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  6. Great post, Laura! With my first book coming out in two months, I worry about dissatisfied customers; that they'll think my tricks are boring, or overused, but I hold out for that one customer who loves me so much they share my name with their friends.

    It's scary as all hell, but I just can't stop writing because I'm frightened of what others will say.

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  7. @danicaavet, I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

    You're absolutely right. It IS scary. And opening up your stories to the world can make one feel very, very vulnerable. But don't stop because of fear about what others will think. Keep on word whoring! :-)

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  8. Good heavens. And here I've spent all this time on my street corner trying not to make eye contact. No wonder it took so long for a car to stop. ;) As to rejection - an acting degree is a great thing. Our professors kept telling us rejection isn't personal. It wasn't until a casting director said, 'you weren't cast cause you remind the director of his ex' that it sank in. Rejection can't be personal because that takes way too much energy.

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  9. Love this new blog! It's funny, when I first heard the term "word whore," I thought of it as someone who whores themselves *for* words, not *with* them. As in, "I love words so much, there's nothing I wouldn't do for them!" And it's true, Laura, as you say--we sacrifice and risk and put up with so much for our craft, in the hopes that someday we can share our words with others.

    For money, of course. ;-p

    P.S.: My confirmation word is "worne," which is almost "whore."

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  10. Marcella, you sound like you've developed an impressive suit of armor from the acting world! I wish I was there yet. I'm learning to grow a suit of armor, but it's still a bit itchy and unfamiliar.

    Jeri, thanks so much for stopping by! And, you're nearly right about the flip definition of "word whore." There's ALMOST nothing I wouldn't do for them...hmm...that could be a whole new topic of discussion: The Allmighty Word as Pimp. I'm picturing him with a purple hat, telling us whores to get back out on the street corner and put some hustle into it!

    And too funny about the confirmation word. ;-)

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  11. I'm loving the Almighty Word as the stern Pimp!

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  12. Maybe we should add a pimp icon to the site?

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  13. Wow - so much here I hardly know what to respond to. Loved the post for starters, Laura - such a great analogy. I haven't developed much tolerance for rejection yet - and feel incredibly vulnerable with being naked in public.

    Jeri - I know what you mean about whoring for words. And I do have that sort of passion for words - it's what keeps me writing and dealing with that ugly rejection.

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  14. Thanks, Kerry. :-)

    Conversely (and I know that I'm contradicting myself), being naked in front of strangers (think going to the doctor's office) isn't nearly as scary as being naked around some of the people you know. I don't mean friends and intimates...I mean people like co-workers and relatives that you don't necessarily want in your head.

    Think parents reading your sex scenes.

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  15. One out of a hundred will point at your ass and say it's too big.

    Oh, man, I am keeping that with me. It's so much easier to tell someone to shove it when they're telling me I have a big bum than it is to feel the same way about harsh criticism!

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