To whore or not to whore...that is the question.
Deciding to whore words is tough stuff. Before whoring for money, I whored words for love. I wrote what pleased me, in a vacuum...or shared what I wrote with like-minded friends. It was safe. Comfy. I wrote when I felt like it, not on any fixed schedule. I had no deadlines. No one really said that what I wrote sucked. And I went on like that for many years, wrapped in my safe cocoon of words.
Stepping out of that sphere into professional whoring is scary.
First, there's rejection. And rejection is inevitable. I sent out queries for short fiction, first. I stood out on the street corner and whistled. The first half-dozen or so rejections really stung. The cars drove right by. But, then...someone slowed the car. And it happened again. And again.
I began to calculate ratios, anticipated that the first two queries I sent would be rejects, but the third would be acceptances. I began to nurse a flicker of hope.
Then, I began to query for novel-length manuscripts. This was harder emotionally, because I'd put so much of myself in a book. I got a couple of rejections for different projects...and then, an acceptance. A shiny car stopped and I hopped in.
I was agreeable, excited. My first big job. I made all the changes that were requested of me without quibbling. I happily made my deadlines. I whored out for promo, eagerly awaiting the publication date when my book would be in my hands.
And then I realized that I wasn't in my safe cocoon any longer. My whoring was now up for all to see. Many people liked it, and my heart soared. Some didn't, and it took me awhile to really internalize the saying: "Not every book is for every reader." It's immensely difficult to spill one's guts on a table for the general public. It's like being naked in front of a big group of strangers. Some will be curious and give you a smile. Others will instantly adore the flesh you've put on display. One out of a hundred will point at your ass and say it's too big. That's just people.
I learned not to take things personally. Initially, it was difficult, but I came to realize that if I was to treat this like a business, if I was to become a professional whore, my duty was to continue to whore and get paid.
Word whoring isn't the end-all and be-all. I still work a day job. I'm still new at this. I've been published for less than nine months, so I'm learning the ropes. I'm figuring out the ins and outs of contracts and what works for my own style, who my target audience is. I'm determining which street corners are mine and dreaming of the day when I become one of those high-class escorts who has the phone ringing off the hook.
Whoring can be tough. And there are days that I wonder why I do it, when I feel unloved. But the reason I do it is for the money...and a bit for the love. Every once in awhile, a customer takes the time to write me and tells me how powerfully my book affected her. I print out every one of those e-mails and keep them in a file, to remind me how far I've come and how far I have to go to learn my trade.
Image: graur codrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
